An Unexpected Gift from Alzheimer’s

A few years ago, I started writing a weekly column on my blog called “Conversations with Dad.” My father was in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease, and because my parents lived across the street, I was spending quite a bit of time with him. Quite a bit. For those of you who have had an experience with Alzheimer’s (and so many of you have), you know how heartbreaking it is to watch a person you love slip away. And you also know how important it is to keep a sense of humor to balance out that heartbreak. You just can’t live on the precipice of grief all the time. My dad certainly wouldn’t have!

Writing, for me, helps me to cope. I wrote up stories of the time I spent with my dad. That column became a way of capturing the essence of Dad while it was still there. Some of the stories were funny, some sad, but all poignant.

One day a reader left a comment on my blog after reading the “Conversations with Dad” posts. This woman, I’ll call her Ella, had recently learned that her 53-year-old daughter had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. We emailed back and forth, back and forth, and discovered we lived only an hour away. Soon we met for a long lunch.

Bright and capable, Ella’s worries about her daughter’s AD were very different than my worries about Dad. Ella, over eighty, feared she wouldn’t be here to care for her daughter when she needed her most. I worried about how to cope with my dad’s constantly changing needs. She worried about how to help her daughter retain independence for as long as possible. I worried about how to manage my dad’s high energy and lack of common sense. Dwelling on what lay ahead for my dad in Heaven gave me peace. Learning to treasure each day with her daughter brought Ella peace.

Over 30 years of life experience separate Ella and I—she is close to my dad’s age, I am close to her daughter’s age—yet we have much in common. I share all of my new books with her; she sends me gifts for my garden. She and her husband are basketball fans and keep on top of my college son’s games. I keep a little angel on my windowsill as a reminder of Ella’s daughter and pray for her daily. She has a knack for writing, and I’m bent on encouraging her to publish a children’s book one day.

My dad passed away a year ago. Ella’s daughter has continued to decline. The friendship between Ella and I began with our journey alongside Alzheimer’s, and it has spread into many other areas of our lives. Alzheimer’s disease is a heartbreak, but even AD brings lessons: learning to accept what we can’t control, treasuring each day as a gift, trusting God with our future—on earth and in Heaven. I’m particularly grateful for God’s encouragements along the way to “hangeth thou in there”—like meeting Ella through a blog.

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