Feedback Request

Guess the Plot

True Fire

1. Annabella has blown her seven figure book advance in one week at Bergdorf Goodman. Luckily she prepaid for a three month stay at The Plaza. Will she be able to write book two in time to keep her Louboutin collection off the mean streets of New York?

2. Dragon blood. It courses through the veins of the royal family. They call it "true fire," but that's a misnomer; it's not fire, it's just a humiliating reminder that sometime in the past one of their ancestors had sex with a dragon.

3. Band leader Tommy Fire’s daughter True, the ace detective of the New Orleans homicide squad, is obsessed with a serial killer who haunts the jazz venues. She suspects band leader Ice Coffee but can prove nothing. Then she discovers his identical twin, transvestite Dee Caff.

4. True Fire the red-assed dragon really liked jalapenos.
He'd blast out gassy flames as if from a hot bellows.
All of the other dragons teased him 'bout his wrong-end flames.
Fiery belches were the in thing; backfires were just crude games.
Then a reversing spell changed all,
And caused all front fire flames to stall.
A wizard said, "True's farts are hot:
Won't you give those villagers a shot!?"
Then all the dragons loved him, and shouted out with glee.
"True Fire the red-assed dragon, you'll go down in blistery!"

5. Ellen Bradley's father, an elite hot shot firefighter, died in a California wildfire when she was 10. At 22 she's one of the very few female hot shots in California. Her male comrades seem to respect her. Which would be hotter--a fire over Fillmore, or smokejumping with hunky Capt. Reggie Hinds?

6. A serial arsonist is terrorizing Chicago, and doing more damage than Mrs. O'Leary's cow ever did. Ace firefighter Chuck Carpenter is on the case, but the arsonist has kidnapped Chuck's wife and is threatening to burn her at the stake if Chuck doesn't back off. Great balls of fire!


Original Version

[This query was previously submitted as Face-lift 1060, but as the title has been changed we had the opportunity to play Guess the Plot.]


Dear Evil Editor,

When Bree’s sister is kidnapped by exiled fae, Bree faces losing the one person she swore to protect from them. The exiles give her one chance to save Chloe. A trade. Her sister’s life for the crown of the fae king. Their father’s crown.

It’s been three years since Bree last set foot in the fae realm, where the magic tries to kill her because of her half human blood. Three years since she cut all ties with her father, deciding he was always going to choose his kingdom over her. She’s not going to let him make that choice again, not with Chloe. She’s saving her sister, even if she has to steal the crown to do it.

But to do that Bree has to journey back to the realm that rejected her, that could kill her. And she has to face what she’s about to do. Because the crown is more than just a piece of metal. It has the power to control all fae magic.

Somehow Bree has to decide what price she’s willing to make the realm, her father, and herself pay to save her sister’s life. [At the end of paragraph 2 she's "saving her sister, even if she has to steal the crown to do it." So it seems she's already decided what price everyone will pay. In any case, this sentence isn't needed, as we already get it.

TRUE FIRE is my young adult fantasy novel. It is complete at 90,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


*The title True Fire comes from the fact that the royal family has dragon blood, which is called true fire.


Notes

This is an improvement over the earlier version.

Does Chloe live in the fae realm? If so, how could Bree declare that she would protect her? If not, were they always together? Apparently not. How old are these girls in human terms?

If the fae realm kills those with human blood, how did Bree live there until three years ago? Even when she leaves the fae realm, it isn't because the realm is trying to kill her, but because her father would always choose his kingdom over her. So the threat posed by the realm doesn't seem to be as terrible as you want us to think it is.