Nemesis Wanted. (Must have own black cape.)

So yesterday on Facebook I wrote, “I need a nemesis.”  Because that’s just the sort of thing you write on Facebook, you know?  But the enthusiastic responses got me thinking … a nemesis could be a lot of fun.  Anton Strout has Pat Rothfuss.  Jeff VanderMeer has Evil Monkey.  Why not me?

I am therefore holding auditions for the role of nemesis.  Please post your qualifications below, including any superweapons developed or nefarious schemes carried out.  Extra points will be given for all goatees.