Acceptance…Blog Posts from “Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed”

Maude: Being with You as You Are and Celebrating That

Dear Phil,

We don’t seem to be busy with or involved in wanting our partner to be anything other than who and what they are. If you can actually be with another person, without wanting them to change, or being busy in any way to alter them, then amazing things become possible.

For this magic to work, you have to actually be suited to the other. There has to be a match, a balance of energy between you. At the same time, there is a joy of being with someone who is innately different than you — someone who is not you, but another.

I love experiencing who you are and how you interact with the world. I so enjoy the way you take pleasure in who I am, and I do have the feeling you truly see me for who I am.

Phil: Being Suited

Dear Maude,

I agree about needing to be suited to the other. I don’t want to make a list of areas, as it’s probably different for everyone. But once those are met, that’s the time to leave well enough alone, to let the other person be who they are, and we do that so well! I am amazed again and again at how we do that.

Recognizing this suitability and giving it priority is a difficult thing to do early in life because there is also sexual attraction that is so powerful, yet seems completely independent of other elements. I have seen people drawn again and again to a completely unsuitable relationship, though in several cases I’m thinking of, I can’t say how much it was sex and how much it was a working through of some childhood relationship.

So yes, we’re very suited, though I haven’t got a list in my head of what those reasons might be. Like many things between us, I seem to have made decisions at some subconscious level. In fact, both of us seem able to trust our subconscious/intuition/whatever name you wish to use. This intuitive element is very important, and maybe other people ignore it and instead focus on things like similar interests. They’re important, though it doesn’t have to be a complete match, but interests alone don’t cut it. There has to be some – gee, I’m inclined to get cosmic here and say energy or harmony or something that describes a resonance of some sort between people. And there also needs to be a similarity of world view – people, politics, religion – or at least, no radical differences.

pgs. 21 – 23 Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed