Help Sites That Don't

I've spent a lot of time on a certain government website in the last week, trying to properly fill out paperwork of the "don't screw this up or we can withhold your money indefinitely" sort. I had the kind of experience that makes a person want to put her dainty little fist through the screen: wandering from page to page trying to get a simple answer but instead getting led to another screen with a vague promise of more information, which sends me on to another and yet another. What I got was usually a PDF of an outdated pamphlet that was already included in the packet of paperwork and told me nothing except general platitudes and promised help if I need it.

It isn't just the government. We've all had the experience of sifting through menu after menu, trying to get someone on the telephone who speaks human. Or the website webs, like one of my publishers, where someone with way too much time on his hands made buying my book so complicated that I doubt I would tolerate it, were I wanting to read the thing.

So here's my idea. Instead of spending tons of money on intricate websites with incredibly shallow bits of information scattered over miles of cyberspace, why don't they pay a real, live person to answer one (1) telephone number, prominently posted on the splash page of the website, and answer a question. It would go something like this:

I go to website called "Help with ---paperwork". At the top there is a phone number in 24 point font and the instruction: "Call Annabelle if you get stuck filling out our forms." I call.

Me: I'm filling out papers for ---. The instructions say I must answer all questions completely, but line 21 says "If you are under eighteen, are you married?" I am over eighteen, but I am married, so how should I answer that?

Annabell: That would be a Yes.

Me: Okay. Thanks, Annabelle.

There, now wasn't that easy?

Don't get me started on the guy who composed question 21, though.