How not to wear a winter hat…

It’s Winter in Australia, and that means it’s time to get out the winter woollies – scarves, hats and gloves, and wrap myself up in a warm, cosy fashion statement that leaves me resembling the cover of Vogue magazine – if only I could figure out how to wear winter headwear.

I love Berets – they are glamorous, sexy, playful, sophisticated and elegant. I’ve owned red ones and black ones over the years, but still haven’t figured out how to wear them properly. I suspect that my troubles are compounded by the fact that I am not European because all European women seem to look utterly gorgeous in winter headwear.

This is what I would like to look like in a Beret:

 

But in actual fact, I look more like this.

I’m not completely sure how that works. What exactly is it that I do to the beret to make me look so awful?

Is it because I have short hair and lack the kind of cheekbones that could slice their way through a blizzard?

Do I have an odd shaped head that causes the Beret to convert itself into a felt shower cap?

Should I tilt my head to one side more often to give me that Swimmers Ear -Vogue appearance?

Even a bloody cat looks more sophisticated in a beret better than I do. I mean, what the hell, people?

So, anyway, I moved onto the Beanie – which is not a flattering piece of headwear in anyone’s language, but some people make it look so chic. Perhaps it would work for me?

This is what I would like to look like in a Beanie.

But this is what I actually look like.

 

On a good day I look much better than this and can probably, at a stretch, pass for the girlfriend of a career criminal, rather than a criminal myself, but those days are rare.

During  Winter in Melbourne (which is very cold by Australian standards), I bought myself a Beanie with earflaps. I was aware that it was a little on the dorky side, but others seemed to wear them with some kind of style. I even bought a bright red one for Ethan when he was 1 year old so that we could look stylish and keep warm together.

Did you the look on his face? Was it fear or repulsion? This photo is 9 years old and I still can’t figure out the meaning of his expression. (and yes, I have much thicker eyebrows now – not sure what I was thinking there!)

Even this girl makes it work for her – and she’s a bloody mannequin! She has a plastic vagina and still looks better in a hat than I do!

So, what’s a girl, who can’t wear winter head wear, to do? Wear a hoodie? A baseball style cap? Go cold? I do look all right in a pair of boots, so perhaps I need to focus on them? But how on earth would I secure them to my head?