Even If It Hurts

I was walking through Best Buy yesterday on my lunch hour getting some routine shopping out of the way. But my mind was hardly on my chore. I had just finished a radio interview with a nationally syndicated network host and frankly, I was depressed. That might sound odd considering that most writers would salivate at such an opportunity. But discussing the hard places my husband and I have walked through—experiences I relate in my new nonfiction book, What to Do When the Blessings Stop – When God Sends Famine—dredged up the pain of those days, and to be honest, it hadn’t been exactly comfortable sharing with the world all the mistakes we have made.

Should I be taking this route? Is there any gain in sharing the pain of our pasts? It’s all so embarrassing. The easier route would be to keep polishing our (false) patina of perfection, make everyone think we have always had our act together in regards to finances, relationships, and life in general. Privacy is a safe place to live, no? Certainly easier than sharing your failings with 300 million people across the lower 48.

I couldn’t find peace. I was facing grave doubts about my decision to die to self, like a kernel of wheat that, when planted, disintegrates only to give birth to more wheat. It sounds spiritual, but dying to self doesn’t feel spiritual. It just hurts. So I prayed a simple prayer, right where I was, asking God to give me peace about going public with the book.

In a minute I heard a ding! inside my purse. I pulled out my smart phone, and there on the screen was an alert from my Web page. Someone had sent me a note. Thank you, the listener said, for sharing your message on the radio. He said a number of things in his e-mail, but I got the message: he was going through terrible trials, and my story had helped him.

Will I keep sharing the lessons I’ve learned the hard way? What do you think?

www.virginiahullwelch.net