Why Becoming A Mum Is The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me
I will always remember when I first found out I was having Enzo. It was a moment which my life changed forever. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was round my mum’s house and it was January. I’d had a rather uneventful Christmas and New Year which was strange for me, and I had been unable to drink any alcohol; a blessing from God no doubt to protect the unborn child inside of me. It had been almost nine months since I had moved back from Australia and decided to leave the crazy life I had been leading behind me and grow up. I had decided to focus on my career and becoming an adult, but so far I had been unsuccessful with either of those things. My flatmate turned boyfriend was waiting at his mum’s house next door, while I sat in the bathroom at my mums house, (our parent’s were neighbours) perched on the edge of the toilet seat and waiting for my mum to tell me the news. Finally after a couple of minutes passed I grew impatient and asked her, “so has it changed yet or what?”
She didn’t even need to say anything, her expression spoke a thousand words; I was having a baby. I, probably the most wild, foolish, clumsiest wreck of a human being I had ever known was having a baby!
It was something I had never even thought about before; I had never been the type of girl to plan my future children’s names. But somehow the unthinkable had happened. My mouth dropped open in disbelief and I burst into tears. My first thoughts were how could I be a mother? I could barely look after myself, it was a wonder I was still alive! But my mum seemed to know from the start that I could handle it and as she reassured me I would be a great mum, I cried, “but I won’t be a girl anymore,” she held me in her arms and told me I would always be her little girl.
I didn’t know what to do but my boyfriend reassured me he would support me, which surprised me and confused me further. Deep down though I knew our relationship wasn’t built to last and I was right. After a lot of soul searching, and toing and froing we finally broke up when he proved that actually I would get more support from my push-up bra then I would from him. By the time I left and realised I was on my own I was already 14 weeks pregnant.
Most of the people I spoke to told me to get an abortion. My head was telling me that I couldn’t do it alone, but my heart was already in love with my child. I made an appointment to go to the abortion clinic, but the night before I prayed to God that my baby would be alright and if I couldn’t have it now that it’s soul would return to me again in the future.
As I lay down on to the table and the sonographer in the clinic performed a scan to assess the gestation of my pregnancy; the third scan I’d had at that point, the first thing I said to her was; “is my baby alright?” She looked at me sympathetically and we both knew then and there that I couldn’t go through with it.
“Would you like to see it?” she asked, and I nodded, the tears rolling down my face. She turned the screen around to face me and I peered at my baby on the monitor. He was already formed, so tiny and precious, a life, a future, a soul. I decided then that I could do it alone, that my baby and I were meant to be together and God had given him to me for a reason.
It’s probably not commonplace in an abortion clinic to give someone scan photos but she did, and as I walked out of the sonographer’s office clutching those black and white images of my baby I knew I had made the right decision.
People told me I was crazy, that I would need to live with my mum and I couldn’t be by myself, but within two weeks of cramming viewings in around my work schedule I had found our new home. I had decided to do this and I was going to do it independently, without relying on my mum or anyone else.
I was told that I would be alone forever and on benefits for the rest of my life, that I would never achieve anything worthwhile; and I have accomplished more in the short space of time since I have had Enzo than I probably have done in my whole life because he is my reason and my motivation.
It’s been almost three years since I had Enzo, and I haven’t regretted my decision once. Everyday with him is a blessing, and everyday he surprises me. I love watching him grow and cherish every special moment with my son. He makes me laugh, he makes me happy and has given my life more meaning than I have ever thought possible. He has made me realise what is truly important in the world and why life is worth living.
My mother gave me a card when I was pregnant which said; “the greatest love and the greatest achievements in life involve the greatest risks.” Life isn’t meant to be planned and safe. Sometimes the most rewarding prizes come at the end of the most turbulent journeys and he is the most beautiful, perfect prize any person could ever hope for.
