What feelings are capable of.

I feel stupid. I've been a prisoner of my feelings towards him since the day he said he liked me. And that was six years ago. I wasn't able to say yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend because he was presumed to be in love with another girl and was in a relationship with her. I said "No", of course, not allowing the large amount of irrationality my feelings toward him provided. It turned out I'm sane enough to refuse him after all.

Now six years later, I've tallied days and nights within the bars of my own feelings towards him. Ah. Feelings. There are so many things that they can do. They can drive a sane person crazy, make the smartest person stupid and manipulate the most controlled person in the world. I have questioned my feelings for him throughout that span of six years. The attraction theory of proximity says that a person falls in love with another person because of closeness. You fell in love with him/her because you see each other every, talk to each other everyday and share stories about each other's love. Why, then, have my feelings remained if I haven't even seen a single shadow of him in person since he left for Manila? Why did the simple feeling of attraction towards him dived into something deeper when the longest conversation we had was a one minute facebook chat? Why do I think of actually loving him when all he did was ignore me and show very obvious signs that he's uninterested? Why do I still hope for a "something more" from him if I knew what he felt for me was less than what I feel for him? Why did I come to develop such feelings without basis?

I do not want to push myself where I'm not wanted. But I can't seem to help but remember fragments about him that once made me smile. That made me wish I had the same things with him again. But it's stupid, right? I try my best to catch his attention when his attention is obviously running away from me. (Deep sigh) Why is he so hard to forget? On the first place, why didn't I forget about him? Maybe that's the mystery of feelings. We just feel them without providing explanations.