The Case of The Missing Hamster: Chapter Eleven

The Eleventh Bit:  Lots of bits to this aren’t there?  Good for you for sticking with it.  Give yourself a pat on the back.

 

Clare rested a hand on my elbow.  Nice.  Better than a punch to the throat any day.

“How many children do you have?”  She asked.

“Just one.  Born by adoption.  I never use the voice on her.  Only the other Kid’s I have around.”  I nodded at my business partner and technical son.

“That voice?”  She’d been hooked now.

“No.”

“Ah… go on.  I’ll give you a copy of my book.  A Modern Military Mother, available via Amazon, both in paperback and on Kindle.”

“Nope.  Next thing you’ll be wanting is a plug for the sequel.” I said, lighting a smoke.  “But while we’re plugging I have three books also available on Amazon, ‘Dog’, the sequel ‘Girl’ and not forgetting the new release ‘Bound’”.  But no.  Book Plugs aside, I will not teach you how to speak in Altered Font.  It’s a man thing.”

“Do you know how easy it would be to calm the kids down if I could speak in Font?  I could rule the Women’s Institute.  Nude calendars and everything.  Just a few words.”

I thought for a moment.  You can’t exactly rule the world with the voice, but it does come in handy on the odd occasion.  And it has Great Power.  And With Great Power comes Great Sex.  And Lots of it.

Maybe even Tricking The Ferret Down The Dancing Drainpipe.

Or being chased by an Attack Helicopter.

“I’ll think about it.” I said, walking to the table.  I’ll swear I heard a little foot stamp as I sat down.  “OK Rat.”  I said to the Hamster.  “How about we start with your name.  “Not Mr Fluffy or whatever the kids call you.  Let’s try your real name.”

“Got a smoke?”  Humphrey rolled one of his small smokes to the Hamster.  He picked it up and a small fire ball from a left ear lit it.

The Hamster took a big hit and blew a smoke ring.  “My name is Lucrezia Borgia.”

 

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