Rest in Peace Dan
It’s interesting as I reflect over the past five days and realize how we clearly cannot control the outcome of our lives. You see, my son lost his father unexpectedly at the age of 56 and it tore my heart out to watch him go through the pain of having to take charge and bury his father at age 22.
I remember Pastor Gary stating at the service how we cannot begin to understand God’s plan. I’ve always believed that, and as I get older and go through difficult times, I come to realize we are at his mercy.
Back in 1987, I married Nathan’s father Dan at the age of 24. I can honestly say I was in love with him and ready to begin a new journey. Part of that journey was starting a family, and low and behold I became pregnant in November of 1989.
Within 4 to 6 weeks of the pregnancy on a cold December morning, I was taking a bath and getting ready for work. We were renting in my home town of Winder, PA and the bathroom did not have a shower. As the water slowly began to go down the drain, I noticed blood mixed in the soap. I hysterically called for Dan and was afraid to move. We called my sister-in-law, Kathy, an OBGYN nurse, and she told me to lie down in bed and call the doctor. I did as instructed, and they gave me the same instructions and told me to wait…and when I needed to go to the bathroom to pay attention to anymore blood discharge.
I then immediately called my parents to come and stay with me while Nathan’s dad went to work, but not before he went out and bought a telephone to place in my bedroom so I didn’t have to get up to answer the phone, and to also have it there for any emergency.
My mother never left my side and within 4 to 5 hours I needed to use the bathroom, but I refused to go for fear of the outcome. I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was of losing my child, but the agony of not relieving my bladder overcame everything and my mother promised to stay by my side. After repeating the Lord’s Prayer about a million times, I gave in and thankfully all was well. There was no discharge and after that victory, I called my doctor and he explained that it was probably the warm water that broke some of the blood vessels, but he advised me to stop taking baths from here on out. So the next order of business was my father and Dan putting in a shower as to not allow this to happen again, and on August 26, 1990 at around 1:15 a.m., Nathaniel Joseph Hubai was born and the world was a better place.
Fast forward to present, there were so many thoughts that ran through my mind as I stayed at my son’s side as he began the process of making the most difficult decisions of his life to plan his father’s funeral. The stabbing pain I felt in my heart plagued me knowing I couldn’t do a single thing to make any of the process easier or to completely take it away from him as I was able to do when he was a child. I knew he needed to go through this because it was important he received closure.
I’m not even sure if pride begins to touch the surface of what I felt watching my son step up and take charge of his responsibilities. He not only gave an amazing and respectable tribute to his father, he was there supporting his family helping them through their pain.
I know it was a blur and now that it’s over, Nathan will have to return to “reality” of his job, moving into a new apartment, and get back into life. For we all know that life doesn’t stop, but I know Nathan will succeed in this endeavor and over time the pain will be a tiny bit less each day. He’ll never forget, but he will be able feel confident in the sendoff for his dad and that he is at peace and in a better place.
As for me, I think I was able to have closure as well. It’s been 17 years since I last saw his father and I wasn’t quite sure if I would be able to be there, but my inner need as a mother and the love for my son took over and I placed my selfish emotions aside.
So, God Bless Dan, and I hope you will continue to look down upon your son as his guardian angel and nudge him when he needs a little help and protect him from the other side, and I will continue to do my part as we promised on the day he was baptized and protect him on this side.
As I said, we cannot question God’s plan, and it was obvious that Dan and I were together to create one of God’s most amazing gifts, our son. Even though we fell out of love and we moved on with our separate lives, Nathan was always first and foremost in what we did separately for him.
As I close, I believe that we need to live life to the fullest and without fear and to remain in the moment each and every day. Life is short, and when you experience a loss such as Nathan and his family has, it reminds you even more to forgive those who have hurt you, to tell the people in your life you love them every day, and to be kind to one another because you don’t want to have any regrets in this life…or in the next.
