I'm so edgy, I'm beveled

What I enjoy most when doing wind sprints after a 320 year hiatus is the macro-tearing of every conceivable muscle in my groinal area, and some tenuous crotchal tingling that is anyone’s guess….so I’ve had to make some lifestyle adjustments as It’s tougher to pee while you’re doing a handstand….. and now I substitute windshield wiper fluid with bourbon, just in case I flip the car and smash the glass…it’s like an automatic upside down shot….

And while I know just when things look darkest, they offer you a blindfold and cigarette but sometimes at last call, you need beer goggles for your beer goggles- Suck it up and show some ‘sac

Like I’m totally into reducing my carbon footprint sexually like I’m totally into alternative energy, but popping a Viagra and having a painful windmill for over 4 hours… it’s time to call my Doctor and I only meet Chicks who you know play the Snow White Evil Queen ‘Mirror Mirror on the Wall’ game about their junk with their vibrators?

My Ex was such a sexual neat freak that wouldn’t tolerate a condom….So she had the walls of her vagina professionally lined in bubble-wrap, yeah the weirdness actually felt pretty good and she made me matching bubble wrap condoms