REARRANGING THE BAD!

This is Honey’s forte. I’m not a hundred percent positive when he turned from amateur to pro on this, but I think it was about five years into our thirty-plus year relationship.
And what does this talent consist of, you may ask? I call it being able to do the old bullshite switch-a-roo. There we were last night bantering back and forth about what we were watching on t.v. when Honey tried to pull one over on me. Ha! Those days ended right about the time our second child was born, so he had to know he was going be called on it. Here’s the conversation but to set this up, in the show we flicked it on for a moment (as we hadn’t agreed on one we both liked yet) a guy in a bar walks over to woman and asks something like, “What’s your pleasure?” The woman demurs, “I was going to ask you the same thing.” Then Mr. Smooth bends over and whispers in Ms. Easy’s ear and she gets up and leaves with him.
I’m thinking, Wow, that must have been some line, but as usual Honey says out loud what I’m turning over silently in my mind.
Honey, “What would a guy have to say to you to get you to leave like that with him?”
I don’t even hesitate. “It’s not so much what he’d have to say, as there’d have to be chemistry there. If I didn’t have that instant ‘Oh yeah’ revving, I wouldn’t get off the stool, let alone leave with the guy.”
“Interesting.”
I can tell this wasn’t what Honey was looking for in way of answer from me, so I narrow a look at him and ask, “What about you? What would a woman have to say to get you to go with her?”
He looks right at me. “She could say whatever she wanted, but I’d have to tell her I was a happily married man, and although I was flattered she’d best move on.”
My eyes narrow even more as realize he’d steered me right into that one. “Oh right. Tell me if Jennifer Aniston tried to pick you up you wouldn’t think about it.”
“No I wouldn’t have to think. I wouldn’t even hesitate.”
I snort and turn away and in my head the ditty playing is, “Liar, liar, pants on fire”! But then his next words cut through my mental chant.
“I’d invite her back to our place because I don’t think you’d turn her down either. You see? It’s a win, win if we do it my way.”
Frickin’ guy!
I got up and sniffed, “I see all right. You just rearrange the bad to suit you.”
He grins—I hate when he does that because I so love when he does it—and says, “You just don’t like it when I’m right.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but really, what could I answer to that? He was correct after all. I mean, who could turn down the Aniston?


It was time to crush his joy.
I widen my eyes like I just had an epiphany and make sure there’s elevated excitement in my tone, “Great point! Next time I’m out and a guy who floats my boat tries to pick me up? I’ll be sure to bring him home…for us.” I walk away, but turn back when I get to the doorway. “Oh, and you be sure to do the same when you run into Jen. So, ah, good luck with that.”
As I went back to my office I was already texting my girlfriend for a girl’s night out. One in which I’d find Mr. Imaginary Guy who floats my boat so I can mess with Honey a little.
Heheheh!
I haz a plan.
Poor Honey… >:)
Riley – Below is Mr. Imaginary Guy…