An Accidental Awareness of SELF

It was June 2011 and there we were, trekking up the high Himalayan mountains with the teeming thousands - some of them barefoot - to the sources of the holy rivers of India. This was the Char Dam Yatra, ten days of spiritual questing; every moment the threat of landslide, every meal potentially deadly, every bed with a threadbare mattress if you were lucky enough to get a mattress at all; no hope of a proper wash till we were done. As we climbed steadily, yawning drops to doom on either side, we carefully avoided the drunkenly careening asses which were being viciously beaten by the young, barely post-pubscent, men that were in charge of everything, it seemed, on those narrow, mountain passes.
Badrinarth
  Ten days of below freezing before we arrived back in Rishikesh, to the searing heat and regular power cuts.
The night we returned from pilgrimage I had the dream for the first time.
I had been left in the dark forest at night, in a box maybe, and the people who had left me there were walking away. I woke up, into our everyday reality, and was still this character from the dream and in the scene. I did not know who or where I was. I did not know who this character was or where he had been left and by whom and I had no recollection of Niramisa either. Interestingly, there was no fear, just calm wonder, and eventually Niramisa drifted back and I remembered who I was again.
Next stop Vipassana meditation in Dharamkot, the little village above Dharamshala in Northern India where the Dalai Lama lives.
Vipassan meditation centre, Dharamkot
Vipassana meditation, as instructed by Goenkaji, is a 10 day silent retreat with no eye-contact or communication at all with the other meditators. It is, to the mind, like a fast is to the body, a total detox of thought. It’s a wonderful practice and I thoroughly recommend it. 
For the first five nights I had exactly the same dream again, finding myself left in the dark forest, then waking up from sleep and yet finding myself to be completely conscious and still in this dream story, but with no idea of who I was. Each night the experience became progressively more intense and it was taking longer and longer to figure out who Niramisa was and come back to my personal story.
I would find my body standing in the middle of the small room, awake but with no notion of who or where I was at all. I did not know there were electric lights that I could turn on and bring light to the darkness. I did not know there were pieces of furniture around the place and I bruised myself banging into bed-side tables and the sharp wooden corners of unfinished bed-frames.
One night I got down on the floor and started to feel around for something familiar. I found my running shoes. At that point Niramisa came back.
Another night I realised there was something under my arm and I looked down and noticed in the dim light the soft and loving face of my dear elephant Eli. And Niramisa came back.
Guruji

On the fifth night of this, after staggering about a bit, I looked out of the bedroom window and saw the meditation hall (the dhamma hall) lit up and all aglow with a white light. And I remembered who and where I was again.
There was never a moment of fear whilst Niramisa was not there. There was just quiet consciousness with no personality.
I was not aware of the significance of my experience and was, indeed, a little perplexed about it. I thought I would mention it to the meditation teacher.
“Oh we have these hallucinations from time to time”, she said.
I never had the dream again.
*  *  *
It was only by sharing this experience did I become aware of its importance. I realise now that I have been blessed with the experience of fearless and pure consciousness, as it is, story-less.
Now, when I need to, I can go back to this inner awareness that has no worldly form, anytime I like. I thought this was pretty awesome alright until I realised, after sharing again, that perhaps I could explain what this quiet awareness is to other people. Now that would be even more awesome.
The reason I think I might be able to explain it is because I have realised it is there all the time. Constantly. There is never a moment when it is not there. We don't notice it because of our perpetual stories and the relentless need to label and evaluate our conscious, worldly experience. But it is always there, behind and just beside all of that.
It is what I truly am. And it is what you truly are. It is the same in you as it is in me. It is pure consciousness and it’s very quiet and peaceful. My experience was not bells and whistles of Spirit, it was just quietly unusual until I’d figured out its meaning.
I would like to be able to explain it so you understand it too, because it’s actually so easy to see, and perhaps that’s why we miss it.
The more I share this experience, the more significant it becomes and the easier it is to describe. 
Whatever it is, there is no liar there at all. 


 
Find out what the liar is here :  THE LIAR : Book : Forgiving The UnforgivableTHE LIAR : Facebook page : thatwhichtellsliesTwitter : @niramisaweiss
There is also a page now for Question & Answers that may come from your reading of THE LIAR. You can find this here.
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