In My Words: Turning My Back from Turning My Back on God (Part 2)

I’ve found that when I hope to encourage others, God often prompts me to share my less-than shining moments.

This is one of those times. On Monday, I shared the circumstances that cause my faith to founder — and the first mistake I made along my way to doubt: I lost sight of the truth of who God is.

Welcome to Part 2 of a less-than stellar season in my faith journey. It ain’t pretty, but it’s honest.

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I made another mistake after we moved to Colorado: I isolated myself from other believers. Have you ever fallen prey to the “I’ll go it alone mentality”? From the moment we crossed the Colorado state line, we had problems. Major problems. I didn’t want to introduce myself to someone and say, “Hi, my name is Beth and my life is a mess.” So I went the “I’m okay” route, pretending life was fine.

I taught women’s Bible study — for a while. I attended church — for a while. My prayers became litanies of “What now?” complaints and cries for help that dwindled into “Oh never mind, God, you’re not listening anyway.”

And then I stopped praying altogether.

My closeness and passion for God were replaced by a heart-numbness. I avoided church, using my husband’s absence and my new baby as excuses.

As Proverbs 16:18 warns, my pride led to my downfall. I didn’t want to disappoint my close friends back in Florida. I wanted to “do them proud” — to prove I could walk all of these situations out in a manner worthy of the Lord. (Colossians 1:10) Ashamed and embarrassed, I stopped calling my girlfriends. If they called me, I kept things light and breezy.

My sin was nothing original. Satan’s lure was as true for me as it was in the Garden of Eden: Is God trustworthy? Just as Eve bit into the fruit, I took the bait and doubted God’s trustworthiness too.

The words the serpent whispered in Eve’s ear — Did God really say? — caused Eve to question God. I listened to the whispered lies of the enemy too: Look at what God’s allowed to happen to you: marital and financial strain, health problems, loneliness, unanswered prayer. If God really loved you, he wouldn’t let all of that happen, would he? 

And I doubted God too.

To Be Continued 

                                                                                                                                                   In Your Words: How has adult peer pressure — either perceived or actual — caused you to make wrong choices?    

When sin is nothing original Click to Tweet  

The danger of self-inflicted adult peer pressure  Click to Tweet

Entire “When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan” blog series archived Click to Tweet