Feedback Request

Below is a new version of the query featured in Face-Lift 1118. There's already a revision in the comments there (plus the queues are empty), so I've posted this revision here, along with a synopsis, which is below the query.


Dear Mr. Evil Editor,

Sir Byron Wedderburn wakes in an alley in Los Angeles in the year 2012. He remembers being bitten and changed into a vampire, and getting thrown in the street at dawn. That was two hundred fifty years ago. He also remembers the woman he met at a party, Lenore, and that she made him happy.

After Byron's new friend Gustave, also a vampire, introduces him to a jet-set lifestyle, Byron finds out Gustave and Lenore were lovers. It ended with Gustave's broken heart. Byron reunites with Lenore, and she reveals Gustave's desire for power. He has a spell that will enable him to envelop the earth in blackness, and rule over all.

Gustave needs a male and female vampire to make the spell work, and Byron and Lenore are afraid he will use them out of revenge. They must stop him from entrapping them and descending into Xibalba, or they will live in a world of darkness forever.

SOVEREIGN OF NIGHT is a 72,000-word adult paranormal novel. The poetry of Lord Byron, Edgar Allan Poe, and Samuel Taylor Coleridge, as well as elements of gothic literature from Ann Radcliffe to Anne Rice greatly inspired me.

Thank you for your time and consideration. Synopsis below.

Yours very truly,


Synopsis


Sir Byron Wedderburn is an eighteenth century playboy who encounters Lenore, his ideal woman, at a party. She agrees to a rendezvous at midnight, but he cannot wait to see her, and searches for her. Before he can find her, he is lured outside by a strange man who changes him into a vampire. Lenore finds Byron passed out and takes him to bed.

Byron learns Lenore is immortal, and lies in bed for weeks after she leaves. He shouts into the night and unknowingly summons two vampires who want to toy with him. Byron is not strong enough to fight back. They take him to their London house, force him to drink toxic blood, and throw him in a street at dawn. Byron disappears due to being weakened by the blood.

Byron wakes in an alley in Los Angeles in the year 2012. He has no memory of the past two hundred fifty years. Gustave, another vampire, approaches Byron and takes him to his house. Although Byron is penniless, Gustave offers him a place to stay, and introduces him to a jet-set lifestyle. Byron cherishes his friendship.

Lenore sneaks into Gustave's house and warns Byron of a rare spell Gustave holds. It will give him the power to descend into Xibalba and unite with Pacal the Great. They will establish a new kingdom on Earth, and envelop the world in darkness. Two vampires must be locked in coffins for the spell to work, and Lenore is afraid Gustave will entrap her and Byron.

Byron stays with Lenore for a few months while Gustave travels. When Gustave gets back, he invites them over, but Lenore warns Byron to stay away. Byron doesn't believe Gustave has an evil spell, and makes Lenore accompany him to Gustave's house. As soon as they arrive, Gustave drugs them, and takes them to Mexico.

Byron and Lenore wake in Pacal's Tomb in Palenque. Lenore knocks Gustave out. Byron and Lenore run from the tomb, and Gustave catches up. Byron fights Gustave who has been possessed by an angry Pacal. Byron rips out Gustave's heart which renders him unconscious, and frees him of Pacal's spirit. Byron and Lenore take Gustave to a chamber in a crystal cave, burn the spell, and watch over him until the Mayan calendar ends. Gustave wakes free of Pacal, and Byron and Lenore start a new adventure together.