Spamming Spammy Spamerson

We authors are all guilty of it. Come on, you know you've done it at least once! I openly admit I have. I know, I know, you were in a hurry; on your way out the door; trying to do fifty things at once; your finger slipped; your mouse went crazy; you forgot; the dog/cat/rabbit/hamster startled you etc. ~Man, that felt good! All those semi-colons I've had to edit out of my work in one sentence! Bah-ha-ha!~

Spamming is so easy to commit, and sometimes it's hard to see the extremely fine line between spam and promotion. In fact, I've seen authors tagged for spam who scrupulously avoid it, just because they do so much promotion that people begin to tune them out, or get annoyed.
So, my purpose here is to help you see that fine line. With any luck, some of the people who are so quick with the spam button will relax a little, as well.

What is spam?

Well, it's different things to different people, really, but are some universally agreed upon rules I can share with confidence.
The main rule is to establish a relationship. You do that by making the posts personal. Direct them at the audience. Talk TO them, not AT them. How do you do that? Ask them a question. Make them laugh. Share a tidbit about you. Don't just slap up a link to your book and pray that people will buy it.

Also, try to avoid sounding like a Pompous Pete or a Wilting Wilma.  You know Wilting Wilma.  She's the one who starts all of her posts with, "Look, I really hate to do this self-promo thing, but ..."

Listen up, Wilma! Nobody enjoys doing promo. No one likes having to toot their own horn just to gain a few readers, but if you're new at the writing game, it's an evil necessity. If you don't promote, no one is ever going to read your book. But knock it off with stating the painfully obvious, okay?

And Pompous Pete? Nobody likes a braggart. Take a moment away from admiring your three G's, (Grace, Gorgeousness and Genius), in the virtual mirror. Now,  remind yourself that unless you're Stephen King, ~no, the other  Stephen King , teehee~ J.K. Rowling, Anne Rice, Piers Anthony, Neil Gaimon, or some other instantly recognized celebrity, you're just as lowly as the Newbie Author to a reader who's never heard of you. ~Wow, that was a long sentence!~ *heaves*  
Now, remember that readers are, for the most part, intelligent, educated people who can smell bullshit a mile away. They aren't buying your "I'm the greatest author you've never heard of!" crap.

Here's the tricky, time-consuming part. After you've posted, people might "like" retweet, +1, comment, pin or repin, and so on. Now you can do a little happy dance sans video, ~heehee Catherine~, and bask in the glow of the acknowledgement, but, when you're done celebrating, you'll want get your backside back online and acknowledge the acknowledgement! Thank the people who comment, or at the very least, "like", +1 or whatever.

And PLEASE, by all that is good and right in the world, STOP sending your book purchase link in the first private message to anyone who's just friended, followed, circled or pinned you!  ~Thanks for the reminder on this point, Joseph.~ Do you go to house parties and ask people you've just met for money? Do you shake their hand, and say, "Hi, I'm Pushy Primadonna, the author. Wanna buy my book?" NO! Just NO! Nobody does that, at least not seriously!

Treat your social networks like a giant house party. You meet someone, you chat a little, find some common ground, and then you tell them what you do. You don't shove your book into their hands and try to pick their damned pocket!

Amuse the readers; intrigue the readers; hell, romance the readers. Just stop slapping them upside the head with your latest literary masterpiece and expect them to thank you for it!

And while we're in the house party analogy, please stop posting your book link or that of your author-friends on other authors' fan pages! Does anyone remember this little asshat move?

 
Sure, we laughed about it, after, but who wasn't mortified when it happened? Don't do it! Even if you have the owner of the page's permission, you come off looking like Mr. Pompous Pete! You might also want to actually check the Facebook groups you post your promos in, once in a while. Some of them really don't like promo posts, and they tend to put that in their "About" file. Maybe, when you join those groups, you can make yourself a little list in Word or Notepad of which ones are going to virtually spank you if you promo there. Or if you're not sure, just don't post!  There is no faster ticket to Facebook jail than posting in a "no promo" group.   You have been warned!
My last bit of advice: change it up a little. Listen, I'm one of the most supportive, patient people you're likely to meet online, but even I want to reach through the monitor and throttle that guy who posts the same promo post to a hundred pages, day after day! Change the wording a little bit, dammit! Not only will you stop annoying everyone on the internet, but Facebook's screening system might miss the fact that you're sending the same link to all and sundry.

I'll be the first to tell you that I'm no expert at this stuff, and I'm just as guilty of doing some of these things as anyone else. How do you think I figured out what not to do? That's right, I learn most things the hard way. So, take it from someone who's had her spankings: proceed with caution when it comes to promotion. Remember: the easily offended and annoyed shall inherit the "report" button.

If anyone would like to add what I've missed, or their own definition of spam, please do. I love getting your comments and advice!

**One last note: Yes, I know I used a lot of italics and exclamation marks. I do that when I'm excited or annoyed, and as I wrote this I became increasingly annoyed.