You say ‘slow’ and I say ‘go go go’.

Thinking a bit more about things, which is what I do when I’m not ready to write or avoid being ready to write.

One of my upcoming projects could be a thing called EATERS, which I posted some comics pages from ages ago, as in years. Several things have sidetracked this project, most namely the fact that it’s not likely to make a profit, even paying myself at minimum wage while typing it. Another thing is that it’s a take on zombies. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but zombies have become a little mainstream and even overdone. Which means they’re mostly done badly.

But I was thinking about the whole slow/fast zombie dichotomy and I’ve finally figured out why I just don’t like a population of fast zombies (and yes, it sure looks like WORLD WAR Z is going that route when it certainly wasn’t the case in the books). But that’s ’cause fast zombies make for more dramatic movie villains. They’re speedy, mean, relentless and impatient. They’re on you in an eyeblink and ripping your throat out or heart or whatever they can lay their teeth on. Very in your face, especially if you’re going with the whole 28 DAYS/WEEKS LATER high-speed aesthetic (particularly on the first one).

There’s no time to think! Do it now! Here they come!

There’s also no time to identify with them. And how could you, when they’re running you down like a cheetah bearing down on an antelope?

Besides, everyone thinks “Oh, slow zombies. You can always outrun those. They’re funny.”

Thing is. You can’t. They don’t give up. They walk through rivers and will pound on those plate glass doors until they finally give way. And that whole time, you can look at their faces and recognize them as former neighbors and loved ones and know that the fate that consumed them will consume you. There’s a lot more dread in the slow plodding zombie, more doom metal than speed metal, so to say.

Now, if you’ve got a video game, you’re gonna have fast or normal-speed zombies at worst. And that works for the way video games are laid out these days. Granted, it makes them all pretty samey. Yes, I know they’re dogmeat slow in RESIDENT EVIL, but RE is also its own thing, not really a first-person shooter like most action games end up going for these days. And I’ll stop the tangent here. I’m not a game designer. Just a writer.

Slow zombies are just witless enough to make you think that you’ve got a chance. Slow enough that you can see the reflection of everything that went wrong in their dead eyes. Slow enough that you might be able to think of them as a matter for another day.

And you’d be wrong.

So, yeah, fast zombies are out. Fast zombies are boring, though can make for good spectacle. But they end up being too alien, too easy to separate from the human, too hard to generate any sympathy for. And classic monsters always manage to eke out some sympathy somewhere. Makes ‘em richer, tastier.