Dear Gap Inc.: I Received Ties Instead Of The Confidential Employee Files I Ordered

I’m really starting to become concerned about what is going on over at Gap Inc., Banana Republic, and so on. I just saw this article about how Emily Dreyfuss’ fiance ordered a tie and pocket square from Gap chain Banana Republic’s website and instead received 20 employee confidential files (including social security numbers and W4 tax forms) from Gap Inc. I can certainly empathize, as I received a tie and a pocket square from Banana Republic instead of the confidential employee files I ordered from Gap Inc.

I mean, what the heck is going on over there?

This has to change. If Gap Inc. and Banana Republic can’t keep my order for confidential employee files straight from Emily Dreyfuss’ fiance’s tie order, how do they expect to remain in business? This kind of sloppiness just isn’t excusable.

There’s been a lot about Emily Dreyfuss’ fiance, but none about me. I still don’t have the confidential employee files I ordered. Sure, they got the right stuff to Emily Dreyfuss’ fiance okay, but what about me and my confidential employee files? How am I supposed to finish my collage project?

(Unrelated note: if it isn’t July 2013 yet and you haven’t voted for story of the month over at Bartleby Snopes, consider popping over and voting for my story “The Des Moines Kabuki Dinner Theatre.” You don’t have to sign up for anything, give any personal information, or install any apps to vote. Spread the word.)