Do Bathing and Snorting Go Together!

Here’s a short comedy excerpt from The Apprentice.  Hope you all enjoy it.  Sincerely, M.L.Hall

 

“Not a wonder you are out camping with us princess,” Rizz said dryly.

Falita gave a clearing snort of her opposite nostril and looked up.  “Why’s that?”

“One can’t go snorting and blowing snot all over a castle.  It would ruin the décor!”

Falita ignored the comment.  “A bath would certainly freshen things up.”

“You’ve bathed three times in five days.  How many more baths do you need?”  Artamos asked.

“Enough to stay clean, and I don’t recall either of you bathing on this trip.”

“I don’t need to Princess,” Rizz replied.  “I have my own naturally sweet odor.”

Falita scrunched up her nose, “I’m aware of that, and it is not pleasing in camp.”

Artamos thought to add that all the complaining wasn’t pleasing in camp either, but decided it would be a moot point.  Likely it would just spike more complaining from the woman.

They rode along in silence for perhaps fifteen minutes before Falita spoke again, “I was thinking that we could camp at Hot Springs before arriving at the castle.”

“Let me guess,” Rizz said, “Another bath opportunity?”

“Well, I’ve already spoken to the others about it.”

Artamos said, “So you’ve included yourself with the noblewomen?  That’s interesting.”

“Why’s that?” Rizz asked with an oh-come-now expression.  “We don’t smell good enough for the princess anyhow.”

Falita’s eyebrows narrowed angrily, “I insist you quit calling me that.  And yes, I am a woman, and wish to be included with women.”

Something about the way Falita spoke made Artamos doubt her sincerity.  Maybe it was the way she said woman without conviction, as if the word meant no more to her than being labeled a shepherdess.  Or perhaps, he thought, it was the statement itself.  Never in the few short years that Artamos had known Falita had she shown even the mildest interest in what few women made their way in the Black Knight society.  The woman was widely regarded as a loner, a fact that when coupled with her constant complaining, probably singled her out against the type of assignments most women pursued.

Artamos let his concern turn to idle amusement before replying.  “If you want to be a woman, then why be a knight?”

“I can be both.”

“Perhaps, but it would be easier to choose just one,” Artamos replied, fighting back a grin.  He knew he was about to provoke an argument with the tough woman.  Still, he decided to press the issue further.  “You really need to choose.  You can’t possibly have the time to be a knight, and take all those baths as well.”

Rizz, who had just tipped a canteen to his lips, made a choking sound, exploding water all over his horse.  The beast snorted and shook its head, not finding the same humor in Artamos’s comment that Rizz had found.