autofellate This is the act of performi...

autofellate
This is the act of performing fellatio on oneself, a feat performed at a bar by an alternative circus performer. Also, another, a different guy, sticks a light bulb in a woman’s vagina, a woman who has the wires connected to a car battery stuck between her teeth, and this light lights up. All of this, as previously mentioned, happens in a bar.

In the same bar a clown called Piss Puddles the Clown gargle-sings the chorus to “My Sharona” with his own urine. Afterwards he walks out among the crowd where, while inebriated, men who are nonetheless far from the intellectual capacity of, say, Niels Bohr, all shake Piss Puddles’s hands and of course those hands are covered with urine.

In this same bar a guy shoots an apple off a woman’s head, but it is obvious that the gun is fake and that, probably, the apple has an M-80 shoved into it, or something. This is the lamest act of the night, other than that everyone, including this little circus, gets pretty ripped. Most will not remember how or when they get home.

In this bar a guy autofellates on a bed of nails. Naturally, this guy’s penis is on the large side. You kind of forget about the nails.

Also another—a different—clown, nails his dick to a two-by-four then swings his dick back and forth between his legs, so that his dick stretches and looks kind of like a rubber strap one uses to find a vein, pulled taut.
The girl with the light bulb-in-the-pussy trick also has her pussy lips pierced, and she hooks up a six-pack of Pabst to her pussy and swings it back and forth in the same fashion as the clown with his dick nailed to a board.

Then there’s a woman who twirls fire and eats some of it. This is also known as fire manipulation. You can find a list of safety-approved fire performers on the Internet; however, like almost everything ever to be seen, this act is relatively normal and totally lame.