IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO BE A CHILD- 3

Sex Education begins in the home. Teach your children the right thing.




 This is the concluding part of the interview on Child Sexual Abuse, with Mrs. Akindolie. Please do not hesitate to reach out to her, if you have any issues along these lines that are giving you grave concern and also get copies of her book for your family library and for friends. Our children deserve to be safe and free enough to live out their childhood in a warm, loving, and nurturing environment. It should not hurt to be a child!!! Let's rally together to









Q. What are the enabling laws, if any,
that guarantees that if victims speak out, they would be protected?








A.Though
I am not a lawyer, but I do know that the laws are available to support any
victims who seek for justice in court. Family courts have been provided by the
Lagos State for a victim’s privacy. Victims can report any incidence to the nearest
police station.



Q. What are your projections and aspirations to help curb this menace? So far,
would you say you have been able to do much?








A. In
my organization, we believe that prevention is better than cure.  We do not have to wait for sexual abuse to
happen before we start taking action, because the consequences are terrible, I
mean really terrible. We need more people to preach the gospel of prevention,
develop more educational materials to educate our children.  We are looking at partnering with the Local
Government Areas and Councils in Lagos State. 
At the moment, we have written a proposal to the Eti-Osa Local Government
Council to organize a workshop for over 300 Community Development Associations
(CDAs) so that we can educate them. This we hope to take to other places. Christianah
Fate Foundation hopes to educate over 20,000 pupils in public nursery and
primary schools in Eti-osa Local Education District this year as soon as funds
are available. We are also looking at developing more education materials that
will make learning fun for kids.



Q. Do you have sister organizations or NGOs that you are partnering or
collaborating with in order to be able to make an impact in this area? Any
government input?




A. Of
course, we cannot work alone! One organization that has been helpful is MEDIA
Concern Initiative (MEDIACON) led by Dr. Princess Olufemi-Kayode.  They have been very helpful in the area of
advocacy, counseling and training etc.  We
also belong to the Child Protection Network in Lagos State where we share
important information on Child Protection. For the government – The Ministry of
Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation (WAPA) has been very helpful, they
provide enough YELLOW CARDS which contains helplines, this we distribute to
children whenever we have any event..






Q. How can parents or guardians, help to protect their children from sexual
predators? What information can you give your child about sex, and who is the
right person to give this info?





A. Parents
are the primary protectors and sex educators of their children.  God requires that we take care and protect
our children from any harm. It is the duty of parents to teach sex education at
home.  They do not have to wait for the
school or church to do that. Many parents have asked me when they should start,
I tell them as soon as a child starts talking. 
Sex education is age-related. It is necessary to start by letting them
know the proper names of their private parts. 
It is quite unfortunate that many parents call the private parts pet
names, this has deprived children a lot of opportunities to disclose incidence
of sexual abuse.  What will you say about
a little child who tells her mum that “Mummy uncle is using nail to touch my
bum bum”? Of course nobody gave her attention.  
But if she had mentioned the proper name, then an alarm has been blow! I
am a strong supporter of this and I encourage parents to do same.








Parents
must tell their children not to allow anyone touch their private parts, if
anyone does, then they should tell their parents or any trusted adult immediately.
Children must be taught that there is the good touch and sexually abuse touch
which involves touching their private parts. 
Keeping secrets is one of the tactics of the abuser.  Some abusers even threaten to kill their
victims. Let your children know that they should not keep any secret and they
can trust you to help them in any situation.




Maintaining
good rapport and communication is very important to protect children from
sexual abuse. Parents who are close to their children will definitely observe
any changes and take proper action. Do you know what your child encountered at
school, church, home etc? You need to question and prompt them into discussing
their likes and dislikes of the day.  I
advise parents to become “helicopter parents”, yes it has come to that.




Another
important measure is to make sure that the whole household is educated about
child sexual abuse.  I mean everyone
living in the family. Set boundaries in the family, I mean members of the
family must respect each other’s privacy. Children should knock before entering
each other’s rooms.  This is sending
signals to them that they have a right to privacy and of course, their private
part should remain private.  This is
because I have seen incidence of sibling sexual abuse (that is another topic).








One
more thing, parents must maintain privacy in their conjugal duties. Yes, I once
counseled a teenager who watched her parents have sex for two years without
their knowledge.  Of course she went
ahead to practice what she saw with a boy.








The
precautionary measures are so many, but you can get my book – CHILD SEXUAL
ABUSE, A SILENT EPIDEMIC.




Sex
education should be taught by both parents – I mean mummy and daddy.  Many fathers shy away from their duties,
thinking that it’s a woman’s duty. Everyone has a role to play.  Just imagine, a mother discussing “wet
dreams” with a teenage boy! Or a father discussing “menstruation” with a
teenage girl? Teenagers have a whole lot of information about sex.  I once heard about a mother who told her
daughter “Now let us talk about Sex” and the girl asked “What do you want to
know”.  So I advise parents to teach
their children even before they get to the teenage years so that they are well
prepared even if their friends try to give them the wrong information.



Q. How do you reach your target audience and what organizations have benefited
from your NGO's sexual awareness campaign?





A. It
takes so much hard work and perseverance to convince people to buy in to this
important issue.  I remember when I newly
started, a Pastor refused and said “How can you teach sex in the church”? I
virtually begged churches to just allow me speak at the children and teens
church. Some even asked me to speak for just 5-15 minutes because they have
other important programs.  On most
occasions, I speak for 30 minutes without any interruptions because the
congregation never knew sexual abuse exist.I have alse come across individuals
who made sure I speak in their events despite resistance. Praise God people are
beginning to wake up.  My schedule is now
tight and I usually take it easy anyway because I have a  Monday to Friday job.




By God’s
grace, I have had opportunities to speak in a lot of churches, schools,
seminars and conferences.  Some
motherless babies home and other organizations have benefited from our events.



Q. Given the opportunity to address
decision makers in government, what policies would you advocate to be put in
place to curb this menace and reduce it to the barest minimum? Final word for
parents




A. I
think the government (local and state levels) need to work on creating more
awareness in schools, provide toll free working help lines for victim (just
like the developed countries).  They need
to partner with few of us NGOs that are bold enough to talk about this societal
challenge that is destroying the destinies of our future generation. Court proceedings
should be accelerated when it comes to sexual assault of a child.  Establishment of more family courts will go a
long way in providing easy access for victims who are seeking for redress. Sex
Offenders list will go a long way in protecting children.  This is obtainable in developed countries,
however, government can start working towards this because it will help
employers, parents, neighbors and organizations identify sexual abusers before
employing or living with them.




To
all parents reading this, this is a clarion call for us to empower our children
so that they can be adequately protected from predators that are lurking around
us.  I understand you have no choice but to
rely on relatives, domestic staff and neighbors to take care of your children,
but then, can you cope with the consequences of sexual abuse? I advise that one
of the parents should have a flexible job so that some contact with your
children will be minimized. I have seen a lot of avoidable cases that has
caused damage in the lives of victims.

"Child
sexual abuse is everybody’s business, make it a duty to
pass on this information to every child and every parent you meet out
there.  Do not live in a world of denial,
sexual abuse can happen in any home!"

                                                     END