By which I no doubt mean 'have some pie.'

This morning I turned to the comics section of the Boston Globe, and found an advice column with what may be the most amazing example of sexual procrusteanism Evar.

Lets recap: Procrustes was an innkeeper with an unusual hobby. If his guests were too short for his bed, he'd stretch them to fit. If they were too tall, he'd trim a few inches off their tops or bottoms to ensure a better night's sleep. Theseus eventually terminated his activities with extreme prejudice, as they say.

The way I've be...