How Valuable is Your Time?

Picture this.  Imagine that you're invited to an event in which your proposal for a new business or nonprofit is going to be filmed live on national television.  You're presenting alongside other companies that have similar goals and aspirations, and in the end, you'll compete for a grant and the most popular choice wins.  Before you walk up on stage to present your proposal, you're told that you're simply not allowed.  No real reason, no explanations, just a vague "no" and immediate dismissal.  You then watch everyone else gain the opportunity and there you are, sitting with your ideas in your hands and a presentation to share and you've just been barred from the stage for no reason.  No thanks for your time.  That'll be all.

This really happened to me.  I was invited to an event that was hosted by a seemingly up-and-coming nonprofit in 2010.  They paid for my flight and hotel room to come all the way out to Los Angeles - I was living outside of Boston at the time - and MTV would be filming my group in addition to a handful of other veterans competing for grant money for their respective or future veterans organization.  This nonprofit, which was partnered with MTV, seemed impassioned by their desire to help veterans, to include a teary-eyed Executive Director sharing her story of a veteran in her family.  She's wasn't a veteran, but the display of emotion was quite dramatic.

When it came to showtime, I noticed that the agenda completely threw out three minority female veterans, including me.  We had ideas that weren't exactly controversial - or so we thought - regarding aiding homeless women veterans or those affected by domestic abuse to having an organization that would be an Angie's List for veterans in weeding out faulty resources and locating quality nonprofits and agencies.  When I approached three different staff members, all feigned confusion.  Everyone who was invited received specific instructions to provide a PowerPoint presentation along with any other media that they wished to share for the MTV filming.  It was just three of us, one Asian American, one African American, and one Pacific Islander.  The only other females presenting - just two others - were quite shy and soft-spoken, but were also white.

"I guess that's what they want to the world to see when they think of women veterans, and it's not us," said one of the other shunned female veterans.

We all came to the same conclusion after getting stonewalled by this nonprofit and in the end it came down to one employee who simply didn't want us to present.  No reason surfaced, just a scowl and some milquetoast shrugs by her associates.  I was furious.  The other teams of mostly male or all-male groups were motivated and empowered.  They had a voice and they were given the opportunity.  The three of us were silenced and our opportunity was revoked during live TV, except no one watching at home knew what was going on behind the scenes.

The evening prior to this humiliation, the teary-eyed Executive Director touting her military family story ended up wining and dining one of the male veteran contestants, from an established veterans organization, and sleeping with him.  Surprise, his group got funding and air time as well.

Upon leaving, one of the fellow veterans from the event who held a significant position with a veterans organization who was dropping me off at LAX, a former Army Ranger, asked if he could give me a hug before I walked through the gate.  I agreed, no harm in that.  Veterans hug, so what?  Yet he took that hug to another level.  He grabbed me by the *ss and lifted me mid-air and exclaimed, "That's such a f***ing great *ss!"



Then he turned around and bolted.  I stood there baffled, disgusted.  Needless to say my impression of this event made me feel exploited on a whole other level.  They paid for my flight and room, sure.  But they made absolute sure that I felt like I not only didn't belong, but that I got an extra slap in the face before returning home.  What a way to promote veteran reintegration.  "Welcome back troops - Wait, not so fast, naturally-tanned, ethnic female.  GFY."  

But here's the funny part.  Even after continuing to show support for some of these fellow organizations, I noticed that in spite of them knowing how the three of us were unfairly cast aside, they certainly were doing nothing to speak out for us on all that had transpired.  One organization, knowing my Team Lioness background and medical skills, asked me to be part of their volunteer team.  When I signed up as requested and e-mailed my resume, I got a quick and curt reply that I simply wasn't welcome.  This was the same team that got first place at the LA event.

One male veteran that we met at this event, however, has been a great point of contact, works directly with disadvantaged veterans in Southern California, and is truly an unsung hero.  Although he is not a self-appointed Executive Director/CEO/Founder/Owner/etc. of any organization, he has remained a friend throughout to all of us.  He, too, seemed to be perplexed by what happened and asked around for feedback.  Yet much of what happened had been apparently shrugged off by others.  

Additionally, after facing quite a disturbing event, I noticed these items following the trip:

1.  I was getting asked by established organizations met at events like this or elsewhere to "give advice" and design programs without any compensation.

2.  My idea - funny coincidence - soon after the LA event turned into an organization that I have no part of at all.

3.  After speaking out about a few shady veterans organizations, I've been solicited by male veteran contacts - this happened just last year - for nude photos.

Call it Oliver Stone-esque paranoia.  Call it a low down dirty shame on them. Call it whatever you will.  When the short-lived party of self-pity ended, I came to this conclusion:  I'm charging for my time.  My ideas were being solicited and used, and no compensation followed for my time, work, or input.  Forget about how much it hurts when you've been used.  It's one thing when an organization flies you out somewhere and screws you, it's another when they try to screw you for free.  Both are entirely absurd and degrading, but no one is going to treat me like pro bono prostitute.    I've noticed a few others in the veterans advocacy community facing this dilemma.  They were getting solicited for ideas to make stellar profits and provided no compensation or thanks in return.



The bottom line: When you have great ideas and others are either muting your voice and/or ripping off your talents, intellectual property, and insight in effort to pocket cash, look into starting your own consulting business.  Start your own organization.  Do your own advertising.  Continue on your own path.  No one can speak up for you like you can.  And in the end, despite the insult and injury, I finally allowed that negative energy to be converted into something useful.  Writing my own pieces.  Promoting my artwork.  And playing stupid and stonewalling those who seek to take and offer nothing in return.

Value your time, even if others seem like they don't.  And charge while you're at it.  If you don't value your time, others will take notice and they will be glad to take your assets without paying.