This Is Why Words Matter

I took my daughter to my salon the other day to get her hair and nails done for her moving-up ceremony from 8th grade into high school (yes, I know most would call it a graduation, but I refuse, and that’s a blog topic for a different day). I’ve been going there for years, my parents both go there and I bring my children on important occasions.

When we were finished, I went up to the receptionist and asked how much I owed. She was young and I’d never seen her before, but she gave me an amount, which I paid. A few minutes after we arrived home, she called me.

“You forgot to pay for the nails,” she told me. I apologized and asked if it was okay if I came in the next day, since I didn’t have time to go back and to get to the ceremony in time. She said yes, and I hung up the phone.

My stomach clenched. “You forgot to pay for the nails.” Seven words. Seven words which bothered me, and still irk me today.

You see, I didn’t forget to pay for the nails. I asked how much I owed, and when she told me the amount, I assumed that it covered everything. In point of fact, she forgot to include the charge for the nails in the total charge.

Now, I’m not arguing over who forgot what. I forget things all the time. I have no problem with her forgetting something.

I do, however, have a problem with her telling me I forgot to pay for something. To me, “you forgot to pay” is a euphemism for “you snuck out without paying.” It’s what you say to someone whom you suspect tried to get away with something, but you don’t want to accuse him or her outright.

It left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I know she doesn’t think I tried to sneak out. I suspect she doesn’t think I forgot, either. I think she made a mistake and was trying to cover for it. Maybe she’s insecure, maybe she’s embarrassed, maybe she’s afraid she’ll get fired. All of those things are understandable.

But laying the blame on someone else, even for something as trivial as this, is not right. Even when you try to couch what you say in nice terms.

It’s not always the use of nice words. Sure, nice words are better than nasty ones. But incorrect nice words can still make people feel badly, can still make them question whether or not they want to continue to be a part of something.

Truth matters. Owning up to mistakes matter. Words matter.