Evil Editor Classics

Guess the Plot

The Dracula Chron- icles: The Dragon Awakes

1. Dracula's late-night heavy toga-partying with his werewolf buds pisses off a neighborhood dragon, causing a flame war.

2. Another in the cross-genre series in which the author seeks to reinvigorate the moribund fantasy novel, following her widely-acclaimed "Frankenstein and the Philosopher's Stone," "Zombies of the Round Table" and "The Lion, the Witch and the Weredingo."

3. Dracula was on vacation, working on his memoirs in Newark, the least likely place to have a sleeping dragon. But there was a dragon, under the old Peoples' Express terminal and it smelled Dracula's aura. Was Newark ready for total war between Dracula and Dragonia? Would they even notice?

4. It has vampires, it has dragons. As long as both are on the cover, it doesn't need a plot, because every fantasy/paranormal fanboi will buy it anyway. Now if only we could fit werewolves in there somewhere...

5. Dracula gives the fang to a dragon, creating a new creature that drinks blood and throws away the meat, quadrupling the dragon's harvesting of humans. Thanks a bunch, Dracula.

6. The wind brings glad tidings--a child is born unto a minor prince in the little town of Wallachia. And he shall be named Vlad. And he shall be a good man. Then a dragon shall awake and ruin everything. Also, a vampire.



Original Version

Dear Evil:

I've recently completed a 90,000 word novel of supernatural suspense that focuses on the early life of Vlad Dracula. [Just the first 400 years.]

[Dracula: The Early Years, outline

I. Dracula breast-feeding

   Mrs. Dracula: Hey, you little bastard, just suck it!

II. Dracula in kindergarten

   Teacher: Okay, which one of you drained Maria's blood?

III. Dracula in ninth grade

     Principal: Okay, which one of you drained Mrs. Wallenstein's blood?]

In this richly drawn portrait of the infamous vampire, The Dracula Chronicles: The Dragon Awakes tells the story of an extraordinary man with the power to change the face of Europe forever. [By making it very pale.]

The story begins in 1431, high in the Carpathian Mountains. A Black Dragon sleeps, as he has done for a hundred years, sated on the blood and pain of the Crusades. Then the winds bring Black Radul tidings of a child – the son of a minor prince in the insignificant country of Wallachia, which borders the Black Sea. Vlad has the power to cast Europe back into another Dark Age, and postpone the Renaissance for centuries. Radul's goal is to tie the boy to him before the other Great Dragons of Europe can manipulate him for their own purposes. [When a gigantic lizard wakes up after a hundred years, I suspect his only immediate goal would involve pigging out on a couple dozen maidens.]
When Vlad is singled out for induction into the [Vampire Hall of Fame, aka the] Holy Roman Emperor's powerful and secretive Order of the Dragon, the ceremony gives him strange new powers [like the ability to change into a bat and . . . actually, that's about it.]  . . . and binds him to Radul, the Black Dragon of the Carpathians, in an unholy servitude that Vlad can neither accept nor escape.

This sumptuous tale travels from the debauched and glittering Nuremburg court of Sigismund, the Holy Roman Emperor, to Adrianople, and the hashish-soaked harem of Murad II, the Grand Sultan of the Ottoman Turks.

The Dracula Chronicles: The Dragon Awakes combines the actual events of the life of Prince Vlad Dragula [That's what Dracula goes by when he wears his pink lace cape.] with the myth of Dracula, to tell the tale of an exceptional man at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, seeking to insure that the world remains in the hands of the mortals it was created for, no matter what the price. [Wait a minute, Dracula's the good guy?]

Please let me know if there is anything further I can do to facilitate your consideration. Sample chapters and the full manuscript are available at your request.

Sincerely,


Notes

It wasn't clear to me whether Radul wanted to use Vlad to postpone the Renaissance or wanted to prevent other Great Dragons from using him to postpone the Renaissance. What are the various dragons' motivations? It must be made clear what Radul wants with Dracula.

Better to let the editor discover that your story is richly drawn and sumptuous than to declare it so yourself.

This reminds me of other books based on the actual events of Dracula's life. Except it has dragons.

Anne Rice wrote The Vampire Chronicles. Unless you're Anne Rice, you might consider a new title.

Charter Members of the Vampire Hall of Fame: Dracula, Angel, Count Duckula, Lestat, The Count, Armand, Count Chocula.


Selected Comments


Chro said...Dracula in 12th grade:

He goes to his senior prom with a monster of a pimple right on his nose, oblivious to its presence because he can't see it in a mirror. The relentless teasing that ensues drives him toward becoming the epitome of evil.


Dave F. said..."binds him to Radul, the Black Dragon of the Carpathians, in an unholy servitude." I had a girlfriend once who bound me in unholy servitude. Aside from the black leather harness, I doubt this is the same thing.


Sarah said...I played with this a bit. I don't like the run-on last paragraph, but there's a suggestion or two in this:
The Dracula Chronicles: The Dragon Awakes, a 90,000 word supernatural suspense novel on the early life of Vlad Dracula, tells the story of an extraordinary man with the power to change the face of Europe forever.

In 1431, high in the Carpathian Mountains, a Black Dragon sleeps, as he has done for a hundred years, sated on the blood and pain of the Crusades. Then the winds bring Black Radul tidings of a child – the son of a minor prince in the insignificant country of Wallachia, which borders the Black Sea. Vlad has the power to cast Europe back into another Dark Age, and postpone the Renaissance for centuries. Radul's goal is to tie the boy to him before the other Great Dragons of Europe can manipulate him for their own purposes.

When Vlad is singled out for induction into the Holy Roman Emperor's powerful and secretive Order of the Dragon, the ceremony gives him strange new powers . . . and binds him to Radul, the Black Dragon of the Carpathians, in an unholy servitude that Vlad can neither accept nor escape.

From the debauched and glittering Nuremburg court of Sigismund, the Holy Roman Emperor, to Adrianople, and the hashish-soaked harem of Murad II, the Grand Sultan of the Ottoman Turks, The Dracula Chronicles: The Dragon Awakes combines the actual events of the life of Prince Vlad Dragula with the myth of Dracula to tell the tale of an exceptional man at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, seeking to insure that the world remains in the hands of the mortals it was created for, no matter what the price.


deb hoag said...Oh, yes, Dragula is the good guy here. It all started as a conversation about sympathetic bad guys. And Sarah, thanks! You have many good suggestions.
Historical note: Dragula is actually a closer rendition of Vlad's name than Dracula. I totally blew the Vampire Chronicles thing, i'd forgotten all about that. And i'm still laughing too hard about Vlad's mother and her nursing trauma to say anything else sensible at the moment. I wonder what the La LEche League would say. Remember, suck, don't bite.

I love you guys!


Phoenix said...The title of the book makes me think you plan a series out of this. Good that you don't explicitly state that, but then, since we know from history that Vlad didn't get the Impaler moniker for naught, nor go from the Dragula to the Dracula name because he was a nice guy, some indication of where the ending of this book winds up in his life might be in order.

"The story begins" is OK for a synopsis that has a lead-in hook or some characterization prefacing the synopsis part, but doesn't work well for a hook. Just use "In 1431..."

Your setup for Radul really doesn't leave me with a good sense of who or what his purpose is. Does "the wind" really bing him the tidings? Already I'm not feeling so much grounded in history as taking a flight of fantasy, and I think you want to keep this focused on the historical, don't you? And "the son of a minor prince in the insignificant country of Wallachia, which borders the Black Sea" doesn't really contribute much except to take up real estate. Get to the story.

Others have pointed out the MC shift from Radul to Vlad. Whose story is this? If Vlad's, then try focusing the query on him, starting with his induction into the Order of the Dragons as a naif who only gradually learns that he's the Dragons' pawn.

Since the reader knows the monster this man will become, we need to be given a sympathetic portrait of a man who is changed by circumstance rather than his innate nature. And the query needs to assure the reader that, as others have pointed out, there is indeed a protagonist worthy of our attention linked to this debauchery of a life. As it stands here, as EE points out, there isn't any real inciting events or characterizations that set it apart from other stories about dear old Vlad.


Mignon said...I'm trying to figure out if soaking in hashish is a beauty treatment or some sort of aphrodisiac for women. Just wondering.

pinhead said...I have mixed feelings about The Count being a charter member. Sure, he created a niche all his own and is terribly memorable, a true pioneer vampire, but he counted slower than a scared child on the high dive. One........ two....... three....... kinda got annoying, even to a kid who loved the old lug.


Dave F. said...WELL! We really sucked the bloody life out of that query!

Author said...

Dear Evil:

I've recently completed a 90,000 word novel of supernatural suspense, entitled Revealing Dragula. When a melancholy Dragula asks an eager young psychiatrist for help, they both get more than they had bargained for. Especially the doctor, young Sigmund Freud, newly arrived to study with the great Jean Martin Charcot, at the Hospital Salpetriere in Paris.

Freud does not believe Dragula's story, but he agrees to undertake the madman's analysis in the hopes that the new “talking cure” can dispel Vlad's grief and undo his obvious delusions. Under the influence of mesmerism, Dragula reveals to Freud that as a mortal he was a member of the powerful and clandestine Order of the Dragon, inducted in a ceremony that gave him strange new powers and opened his eyes to forces beyond the imaginings of mere mortals.

Vlad had learned the secret of the Order of the Dragon – real dragons walk the earth still, and it is they who truly rule the world, using mortal kings as pawns. Vlad stood at a turning point in human history; crucial choices he made could bring on the absolute rule of the Ottoman Empire, virtually eliminate Christianity in Europe, or help the Order fend off the invaders and throw Europe back into a new dark age. Vlad did not find either alternative acceptable.

Looking for a way to elude both futures, Vlad traveled from the emperor's debauched and glittering court in Nuremburg to Turkish Adrianople, where he was held hostage by the grand sultan of the Ottomans. There he learns of the powerful Jinn, and begins to see the possibility of a third choice – if he has the will and the nerve.

Freud, at first concerned solely about how to help his new patient shed his odd delusions, soon comes to realize that Vlad Dragula stands at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, seeking to insure that the world remains in mortal hands, no matter what the price. And in order to accomplish that, he's going to need Freud's help.

I hope you enjoy the enclosed sample chapter of Revealing Dragula. The full manuscript is available at your request.

Sincerely,


Sarah said...It's better. It flows better though the mix of tenses is throwing me. It looks like there are three choices and not two to begin with, so that needs to be cleaned up a little.

Here's my take on it:

When a melancholy Vlad Dragula asks a young Sigmund Freud for help, they both get more than they bargain for. Freud, newly arrived to study with the great Jean Martin Charcot at the Hospital Salpetriere in Paris, does not believe Vlad's story. He agrees to undertake the madman's analysis in the hopes that the new “talking cure” can dispel Vlad's grief and undo his obvious delusions.

Under the influence of mesmerism, Vlad reveals that he was a member of the powerful and clandestine Order of the Dragon, whose secret is that real dragons walk the earth, and it is they who truly rule the world, using mortal kings as pawns. Vlad was inducted in a ceremony that gave him strange new powers and opened his eyes to forces beyond the imaginings of mere mortals. He stands at a turning point in human history. He can bring on the absolute rule of the Ottoman Empire and virtually eliminate Christianity in Europe, or help the Order fend off the invaders and throw Europe back into a new dark age.

Vlad, who found neither alternative acceptable, traveled from the emperor's debauched and glittering court in Nuremburg to Turkish Adrianople, where he was held hostage by the grand sultan of the Ottomans. There he learned of the powerful Jinn, and began to see the possibility of a third choice – if he has the will and the nerve.

Freud, at first concerned solely about how to help his new patient shed his odd delusions, soon comes to realize that Vlad Dragula stands at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, seeking to insure that the world remains in mortal hands, no matter what the price. And in order to accomplish that, he's going to need Freud's help.

Revealing Dragula is a 90,000 word novel of supernatural suspense. I hope you enjoy the enclosed sample chapter. The full manuscript is available at your request.


Liosis said...This whole story is a flash back? I always find that disapointing.

"He can bring on the absolute rule of the Ottoman Empire and virtually eliminate Christianity in Europe, or help the Order fend off the invaders and throw Europe back into a new dark age. "

I'm glad you've fixed it to 'dark age' here. Since a dark age is a time of fighting, where as dark ages=middle ages= me ranting at you about how the 9th and 12th century renaissances were far more potent then the silly latin murderers of the 15th century.

"soon comes to realize that Vlad Dragula stands at the center of a whirlwind of magic and evil, seeking to insure that the world remains in mortal hands, no matter what the price. And in order to accomplish that, he's going to need Freud's help."

Is your novel about Dracula and Freud protecting the modern world from evil or is it about Vlad on the cusp of the 15th century? I assumed it was the first, but I suppose it could be the second and now I'm confused.


It is much tighter but it still seems to be more detail then you need to work anyone.