40 Questions with Sir Differel Van Helsing

1. What is your name?

My full legal name for official purposes is: The Right Honourable Baroness Sir Differel Isolde Churchill Pendragon Van Helsing Plunkett, 16th Baronetess Denver and Dowager Viscountess Dunwich.

But for obvious reasons I prefer Sir Differel Van Helsing.

2. Do you know why you were named that?

My father named me Differel as a cognate to Integral, to indicate that I should always be changing and adapting. Isolde was my mother's middle name. Churchill is the name of an ancestress who sacrificed her own family's continuance to allow the Van Helsings an entry into British society. Pendragon is the name of my mother's family. Van Helsing is my maiden name, and Plunkett is my married name.

3. Are you single or taken?

That's complicated. I married Victor in 2001; he was killed in 2004. We were later reunited in the Dreamworld and we remarried, so technically I am "taken", but our Waking World vows were till death do us part, so legally I'm still single.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

If you mean 'superpowers', no. But I am the master of Dracula, and I can command the sword Excalibur through my Pendragon heritage, so, in that sense, yes. However, I am also a crack pistol marksman, an expert sword duelist, and a master of hand-to-hand combat. Which are infinitely more practical than x-ray vision or the ability to fly.

5. Stop being a Mary-sue!

I beg your pardon?

[Dracula] He means ---

I know what he means, you bloody git! Eile and Sunny always talk about how we share the same "creator", but being as they're not referring to God, I have no idea what they mean. Frankly, I doubt the Almighty uses me to satisfy His fantasies.

6. What's your eye colour?

Grey. Sunny describes them as 'cloud grey', but I think that's overdoing the description.

7. How about hair colour?

According to Sunny, it's 'ash grey', but as far as I'm concerned, grey is grey.

8. Have you any family-members?

Just my son. I have a number of cousins, but we don't socialize. I also have a paternal aunt, but she disappeared and I've never heard from her since.

9. Oh? How about pets?

Assuming Vlad doesn't count, no. Though I am fond of the stable cats.

10. That's cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don't like.

Having to give these moony interviews, but my contract demands it.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

I play the cello, I exercise with swimming and gymnastics, I collect and study artifacts and Medieval documents, and each night I sojourn in the Dreamlands.

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in anyway before?

Only in the line of duty. Oh, and when I was younger I broke the arms of a few persistent suitors who refused to take no for an answer.

13. Ever...killed anyone before?

My Aunt Mandy, when she tried to assassinate me. Otherwise, just monsters.

14. What kind of animal are you?

That's a bloody fool question!

[Dracula] She is partial to bats.

Shut it, you bloodsucking wanker.

15. Name your worst habits.

That's much too personal.

[Dracula] She keeps threatening to cut out my heart or blow my brains out.

Oh, bloody hell.

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

That's problematical. When I was growing up, Vlad was my mentor, but frankly he was a bad role model. Naturally I revere the Sovereign, and I respect Her officers and advisers, but otherwise, no.

17. Are you Gay, Straight, or Bisexual?

I beg your pardon!? I married and had a son, so what the bloody hell do you think?!

[Dracula] You seem pretty 'close' to Lady Margaret---

One more word and I'll cut out your heart!

18. Do you go to school?

I'm much too busy, but I have considered going back to college after Henry takes over the Order.

19. Ever wanna marry and have kids one day?

I already did, you idiot.

20. Do you have fangirls/fanboys?

Not counting Team Girl, I doubt it, though I often get letters from schoolchildren. Fortunately, Aelfraed intercepts letters from teenagers propositioning me.

[Dracula] She receives more mail from girls than boys.

Oh, bollocks!

21. What are you most afraid of?

The extinction of the Van Helsing Bloodline. And Sunny embarrassing me before the Royal Family.

22. What do you usually wear?

£7500 silk pants suits from Carnebeighe Dublin Gallant, with a cravat and gloves.

23. What's one food that tempts you?

Cherry amaretto ice cream

24: Am I annoying you?

You really don't want me to answer that question.

25. Well, it's still not over!

Bloody hell.

26. What class are you? Low class, middle class, high class?

As a peeress and a member of the aristocracy, I'm technically upper class, but I was born into the gentry, which would be middle class.

27. How many friends do you have?

Technically, just Eile and Sunny; Margaret is more of a 'frenemy'. However, I have numerous colleagues whom I respect.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

Pie?! It's all right, I suppose, but I'm more partial to pudding, especially haggis.

30. Favorite drink?

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a teetotaler. However, I only drink on special occasions, so I suppose tea would my answer.

31. What's your favorite place?

I could tell you, but because it's a secret I would have to kill you.

32. ...interested in anyone?

That's no bloody concern of yours!

33. If you're a girl, what's your cup size?

You are this close to be being Vlad's afternoon snack!

34 C. How is this relevant?

And just what the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!

34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

Actually, I have a swimming machine in my manor.

35. What's your type?

"Type"? Some of these questions make no sense.

36. Any fetishes?

Don't go there. I mean it!

37. Seme or uke?

Oh, bother. I'm sure if Eile and Sunny were here, they could tell me about some kind of anime pornographic definition, but in martial arts, the Seme is the instructor and the Uke is the student, for all practical purposes. I used to be Uke, but now I am Seme.

[Dracula] Lady Margaret would dispute that.

So help me, I'll have Aelfraed put garlic in your blood ration!

38. Camping or indoors?

And pray, tell me what relevance that has to anything?

39. Are you still wanting the quiz to end?

Just get the bloody hell on with it!

40. Well, it's over! Now tag five people!

Hmph. If I could, I'd have Vlad "tag" Team Girl. Then maybe they would stop volunteering me for these cockup interviews.