I’m timeless…

Does anybody know what time it is?

I sure don’t.

The microwave clock is a minute faster than the oven clock, which is four minutes slower than the weather station clock, which is two minutes faster than the Bose wave system in the dining room.

The dashboard clocks in the cars are different from any clock in the house, and I can’t recall which one I set on purpose to be five minutes fast so I’d never be late anywhere.

Which still doesn’t work, because I’m always running behind, no matter which car I drive.

I thought the computer and our two laptops would all have the same time, but they don’t either. I was really assuming that the weather station and computers would be in sync, because they’re hooked up to radar or the Ethernet or Greenwich time or something official, I thought.

I haven’t worn a watch in years because it never matched anyone else’s watch. Or any clocks.

So I never have to watch the time, because clearly, nobody knows what time it is.

On the upside, it’s always five o’clock somewhere, right?

Sweet.

Pass me one of those margaritas, Jimmy.