Every Once in a While
It’s a time in my life I don’t think about often. Like a special treasure kept in a box, and every so often you gingerly take it out, dust it off, and admire it, the summer I spent in Florida at 19 is a memory I keep tucked away in the back of my heart. Partly because it’s more magical that way and partly because I’m too busy living the life I have now.
But every once in a while, those memories nudge their way to the front of my mind, and I smile.
My best friend at the time was the inspiration behind Ella in Fool’s Game. We were roommates and we had a tiny little apartment in a suburb of St. Louis. When our lease was up, we decided on a whim to pack our matching Ford Escorts with all our worldly possessions – along with our dog and cat and her boyfriend – and head to Merritt Island, Florida, where an old friend of mine lived. He’d agreed to let us crash on his couch while we found a place of our own.
Maybe old friend isn’t the most accurate description. I was 11 when I first met Andrew. He was my cousin’s Air Force buddy, and he’d tagged along for a family camping weekend. He was handsome, with blond hair and blue eyes, and he was nice to me. As one of the youngest members of a large family, I wasn’t used to the older ones treating me with that kind of respect. He really listened when I talked.
The combination proved deadly to a young romantic’s heart; my crush on him was immediate and it lasted throughout my teen years. For the next couple of summers, we’d see him when we’d go camping, and he became an adopted part of the family. I looked forward to it more every year.
Shortly after my family moved to St. Louis, my grandpa passed away and the big summer camping trips stopped. Both of my sisters married. My oldest sister’s wedding was the last time I saw Andrew for a long while. Those were some really dark days for my family as a whole. They’re memories I don’t revisit often for an entirely different reason. Those memories I deal with incrementally in my novels.
Fast forward a few years. I’m 19, have a wild idea that Florida is the place to be, and a long-lost friend has agreed to give me a spot to sleep while I apartment hunt. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that a part of me wished he’d see me in a whole new light now that I was grown, and we’d ride off happily into the sunset together.
It didn’t exactly work out that way, but I did spend an idyllic summer on the beach in the company of some of my dearest friends in the world. As for Anne and I, we had adventures, got really hungry because we were so broke, probably overstayed our welcome, and had the darnedest time finding an apartment we could afford that would allow our dog.
But oh, how we laughed. Anne and her boyfriend, Andrew and me. We had moments of complete and utter silliness. We had moments of trials and tears. We had moments of quiet peace. And lots of really big spiders I always made Andrew save me from. The spiders in that part of the country are the stuff horror films are made of. I swear one chased Anne and me across the Denny’s parking lot.
As it so happens, my parents’ best friends were living in that area at the time as well, so when their son married, I was invited. Andrew was my date. I wore my favorite dress – it was emerald green and had a ribbon that laced down the back. The top was fitted and the bottom flared prettily. I felt like a princess. Cliche, I know, but that’s the only way to describe it.
It was an evening I scarcely could have dreamed of, perfect in every way. The night ended with a barefoot walk on the beach, with his hand resting lightly on the small of my back. Then we got ice cream cones and sat with our feet dangling off the tailgate of his truck.
I can’t say really why I came home at the end of that summer. My mom’s health wasn’t doing well. We never did find an apartment that would let me keep my dog and I knew that having so many house guests was wearing thin for poor Andrew. It felt like such defeat, returning to Missouri after such a grand adventure.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if, instead of coming back to Missouri, I’d stayed and enrolled in school in Florida, like I’d initially planned. But those are the kinds of thoughts that don’t really lead anywhere, so I put them aside. There’s so much joy in my life now, it seems silly to wonder about what-ifs.
I only heard from Andrew once after leaving Florida. When he found out I was getting married, he called to ask what my dog thought of the idea. He always did like that dog.
Fool’s Game was the book I worked on all that summer. In the evenings, I’d sit with my typewriter at the coffee table and type during commercials. He’d read over my shoulder and offer random comments. The four of us would get into long, winding, crazy conversations that usually wound up as fodder for the novel. So much of this book is a monument to that time in my life, it’s hard not to reminisce just a little with the book being at the forefront of my current world.
It’s crazy, the paths we take – some by choice, some we just stumble across. All the paths I’ve traversed in my life have contributed to making me who I am now and to the words that find their way into my novels. And every once in a while, I guess it doesn’t hurt to stop my busy life and dust off a treasured memory.
