Where Do Leaders’ Limiting Beliefs Come From?

After The Three Levels of Leadership came out in 2011, readers followed up with questions on leadership, leadership psychology and self-mastery – all of them interesting.  So interesting, in fact, that I’m releasing my answers here as they supplement the “Three Levels” material and others may find them useful.  Here’s the eighth in the series.   I’ll post the others over the coming months…

Q8.  On page 170 of your book, The Three Levels of Leadership, you state: “Over time, the number of limiting beliefs in your psyche usually increases and forms what I call the False Self.”  What are the primary sources of the disinformation leading to these limiting beliefs?  Can this disinformation be squelched at source to avoid contamination of the Self?

“You ask, what are the primary sources of the limiting beliefs comprising the False Self?  Well, I assume you’re talking about the limiting beliefs at its core; the limiting beliefs about our self-image and how life works.  These beliefs limit our ability to lead a happy, fulfilling life… and, of course, our ability to lead others.

Now regarding the sources of these limiting beliefs, I’d say these are the main ones:

Interpretations of the behaviour we receive from other people.
Interpretations of life experiences.
Interpretations arising from the collective unconscious.

It’s from these that we’re most likely to draw powerful negative conclusions about ourselves, usually  when we’re young (and by young, I mean up to the age of twenty).  But to be clear, limiting beliefs can develop beyond that age.  I’ll say a bit more about each source…

Interpretation of Behaviour Received

We can draw negative conclusions about ourselves – or more specifically, about our self-image – from the behaviour we receive from key people in our lives, like parents, peers and teachers.

So, for example, if our parents constantly ignore us when we’re little, we might decide we’re insignificant.  Or if members of the opposite sex reject our romantic advances in our teenage years, we might assume we’re unattractive or unlikeable.  And if we receive consistent criticism from teachers we might infer that we’re stupid, inept or useless.

Interpretation of Life Experiences

This is where we apply negative interpretations to our – or others’ – life experiences and then draw unhelpful conclusions about our qualities, flaws or potential.

To take one example, imagine someone who constantly fails his driving test.  He might decide this means he’ll never pass.  Even worse, that perhaps he’s useless!  Or imagine someone whose parents died in a car crash when she was young.  She might decide this means that life is cruel, that she’s on her own, that she’ll never be happy, that people she loves will always abandon her one way or another.

Interpretation of the Collective Unconscious

By “collective unconscious” I mean the world’s widely held ideals, archetypal life themes, beliefs, values and emotions.  It’s the shared ideas we take for granted, that we rarely think of challenging.

The collective unconscious can influence the way we interpret history and even how we interpret scientific test results.  It can also affect our behaviour – think of a lynch mob, where individuals will do things to others, including murder, that they wouldn’t consider doing on their own.  The point is that by absorbing limiting or negative interpretations about the world or ourselves from the collective unconscious we can create personal limiting beliefs.

This can come from what we absorb in the stories we learn and tell each other about what’s right and wrong, inevitable or avoidable, good or bad, heroic or cowardly or kind and unkind.  Think, for example, of what we take in from watching films, playing games, from what we read in newspapers and novels, hear on the radio or see on television.

Thus, instead of experiencing something directly, we can experience it indirectly, leaving the collective unconscious to set standards on, for example, what is true and false… or good and bad … or important and unimportant… or beautiful and ugly.

So for example, we might assume from reading about the economy that we live in a dog-eat-dog world, that we’re in constant danger and must always be wary of people we don’t know.  Or we might compare ourselves unfavourably with high-profile people – based perhaps on appearance, intelligence or natural talents and thus believe (and feel) we are second-rate.  Or because the collective unconscious tells us that boy-meets-girl-and-marries is the classic theme of adult life, single people may conclude from this that they’re unattractive or inferior.

Our Mental Interpretation is the key

Note that in every case it’s not the outer event itself that’s key.

The key is our interpretation.  That is, the meaning and significance we place on the other person’s behaviour, the life experience or the message from the collective unconscious – and what it says about us.

More Vulnerable To Negative Interpretations When We’re Young

As I mentioned earlier, our most powerful limiting beliefs are more likely to arise when we’re young.  Why?

Well, think about the term “self-awareness”.  It has two aspects: the capacity to be aware and the sense of self that we’re aware of.

Now an infant has the capacity of pure awareness, but it doesn’t have a well-developed self-image.  So how does it develop its early self-image?  Mainly by interpreting others’ behaviour towards it.  So, for example, if the parents ignore the infant constantly, even when it’s hungry or needs its nappy changed, you can understand why the limiting belief “I must be insignificant, I must be unimportant” might take hold.

You see, in infancy, we’re still forming our view of who we are and what we capable of.  And of course an infant has no mastery experiences against which to compare what’s happening to and around it and thus gain some perspective.  By “mastery experiences,” I mean those moments when we’ve coped or achieved in the face of resistance and obstacles.  They give us positive memories to lift us in times of trial and help us interpret events more objectively.  Thus, they can prevent us from drawing negative conclusions about ourselves too quickly.

And, of course, infants – having only a pre-language-based intellect – have no capacity for reasoning for and against any immature negative self-thoughts and so they can’t rebut them.  For example, it can’t say to itself, “Yes, mum and dad keep ignoring me, but Auntie Jane doesn’t, so that means I am significant to her and thus the problem is with my parents, not me.”

Now as the infant becomes a child, then a teenager and then a young adult, its self-image becomes clearer and better established.  And, hopefully, it gains mastery experiences it can use to steady itself when faced with negative interpretations.  But can you see that it’s when we’re young that our self-image is most easily bruised?  Which is why limiting beliefs are more likely to develop then.

Can We Stop the Negative Interpretations Developing at the Time?

You also ask, “Can this disinformation be squelched at source to avoid contamination of the Self?”

The answer is yes.  That’s what self-mastery is all about.  But only once you’ve realised the distinction between you, the Self, (a centre of pure awareness, will and imagination) and the False Self (the sum total of your negative beliefs).  For only then can you identify when the False Self is at work inside you and disidentify from it, reducing its power over you.

This doesn’t mean you need to know the terms “Self” and “False Self”.  But you do need to realise that you’re not your thoughts and feelings – that although you have them, you are not them, that you are more than them and can change what you’re thinking and feeling.  This is the philosophical basis of Cognitive Behavioural therapy and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive therapy.

Until this distinction is made, the Self is so identified with its False Self beliefs that it identifies itself as the False Self.  Thus, it assumes that everything it believes and feels is real, so doesn’t realise this is “disinformation,” to use your word.  So in practice, the ability to disidentify develops only after we’ve become self-aware enough to realise we’re locked into limiting habits and, from there, begun to look for the beliefs behind them.

I ought to be clear what I mean by “disidentify” for those who haven’t read The Three Levels of Leadership.  I mean the process of (1) realising that you are neither your mind nor its contents, especially its beliefs, passing thoughts and emotions; (2) identifying the specific limiting beliefs controlling your emotional states and behavioural habits; (3) examining them; and then (4) letting them go.  In chapter 9, I recommend techniques to help you with disidentification.

Once you’ve found and disidentified from your most limiting beliefs, it becomes easier to see and “squelch” (to use your word) limiting thoughts and emotions as they arise.  (These will often continue to appear because of old thinking habits.)  But, to do this, you’ve first got to put in the disidentification practice that’s central to self-mastery.”

 

The author of this blog is James Scouller, an executive coach.  His book, The Three Levels of Leadership: How to Develop Your Leadership Presence, Knowhow and Skill, was published by Management Books 2000 in May 2011.  You can learn more about it at www.three-levels-of-leadership.com.  If you want to see its reviews, click here: leadership book reviews.  If you want to know where to buy it, click HERE.