The Consistency Conspiracy

Do you feel discouraged when parenting experts say, “Consistency is a must in parenting”? I used to. There was no way I could pull that off with four little ones, ages five and under.

photo credit Morguefile.com

Consistency, is concept often associated with good parenting. Christian parenting experts often toss in this verse as back up… “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No’ (Matthew 5: 37).

This passage has largely been misunderstood. This statement refers to being a person of integrity, one who keeps his word and speaks the truth. It does not mean parents must deliver discipline or punishment the exact same way, always, and under any given situation. Or the other thought, “If you spoke it- then you must stick to it.”

Moms, we try to give the same responses, rewards, or consequences for similar situations; trying to train the same every day and every way from potty training to driver training. But…it is an impossible task. It can’t be done. Why?

The human factor and life circumstances.

Consistency is a myth! Go ahead….breathe a sigh of relief.

 So you ask, “What if I’ve delivered a punishment, don’t I have to carry it through to the end?”

Answer, “Nope.” Just because you said it, doesn’t mean you can’t unsay it.

Think of the times you were…. let’s say… overzealous in your reaction to a behavior. “You are grounded for life!” Oops, you said it. You are stuck.

HOGWASH.

Who said you had to follow through when the consequence is overblown?

Instead pull back and readjust.

“I’ve thought this over. The consequence I delivered was too severe. Please forgive me. We will respond this way instead.”

Flexibility and creativity are the name of the game.

The best way to deal with behavior you’d like to tweak (notice I said behavior not offspring) is to find a way to train for desirable behavior. Rather than use an old stand-by punishment such as timeout or being grounded for life-practice the better behavior training technique. For example, if your child is disrespectful don’t dismiss him to isolation – instead have him restate his words with respect.

Consistency counts when it comes to your promises, faith, morals, values, safety, and legal issues. Integrity! These are the times  we want our words to remain the same today and always.

 Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No’.

Matthew 5:37

In all other situations-be creative, flexible, and train. You don’t have to be perfect but you do want to maintain control. Train for the desired behavior.

Lori Wildenberg

Licensed Parent and Family Educator, co-founder of 1Corinthians13Parenting

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