My Kingdom for an Honest Review

Occasionally, I read a book that's just so bad, all I can think is, "This writer has a lot of friends. Friends who want their writer friend to suffer public humiliation." There's simply no other explanation for the fact these people believe their writing is good enough for publication -- even self-publication. I have, within the past week or so, read several such books. Well...I've downloaded them. I can't honestly say I've read them. No, I stopped and deleted after a few chapters, pages or even paragraphs.

Don't get me wrong. As a self-published writer, I'm well aware how easy it is to upload a book with a few typos or grammatical errors. Hey, my own personal issue seems to be related to calling characters by the wrong name from time to time. So I can relate. I get it. The majority of self-publishers don't have the financial resources to employ professional editors or proofreaders.

Having said that...how does a writer convince him- or herself that an awful story is good? How does a writer not see that their book should have been about half the length it ended up being? One of the books I deleted was paragraph after paragraph of pointless drivel (i.e., how she replaced the phone, where she put the phone, why she put the phone where she did); it included an entire paragraph about why one character went by a shortened version of his full name (i.e., Rich, rather than Richard). I am NOT making that up. It was pure torture.

Another one had a heroine who was terrified she'd have her heart broken as it had been previously. I believe it was referred to as a "trauma" and a "disaster". I was led to believe she, oh, I don't know, caught her fiancé having sex with her maid of honor minutes before the wedding. In reality? She was stood up by one guy, for one date, in high school. Sure it was a cruel joke, but it was about ten years ago. Seriously? That was the trauma? If I had a nickel for every broken heart and "trauma" I suffered in high school, I'd be able to employ that full-time, professional editor!

So what's my point? you ask. Go ahead. Ask. I'll wait. Okay, my point is, as a writer, I truly value good, honest reviews. Yes, I love to have my ego stroked. Who doesn't? But don't just say, "I love this story!" without explaining why you love it. Likewise, don't leave a 1-star rating with no supporting explanation. Oh, and if you didn't actually read it -- say, you downloaded it by mistake -- don't review it.

So to paraphrase Henny Youngman, "Read my books. Please!" But then tell me -- honestly -- what you thought of my work. You'll be doing me and any future readers an enormous favor. Oh, and if you read my short story, "The Poison Pen", I promise, it is completely fictional...well, mostly.