But I Didn’t Mean it That Way…
In case you all have missed it, I get into a lot of fights in my comments section. Because of this, I regularly post helpful public service announcements to help people who are planning to comment on my page. This is going to be one of those public service announcements.
‘Tongue in cheek, no offense intended’ humor, does not translate well in writing. Let me toss out a couple of screen shots from people who have been attacked by me in the past, then claim that they did not intend to offend me.
When I read both of these comments, I did not say ‘oh, they’re making a funny simile or using some gentle tongue in cheek humor. They didn’t intent to offend me.”
Instead what I read was ‘this motherfucker just called me stupid. Did this motherfucker really just call me stupid? On my god, I am going to ruin their fucking lives. I’m going to write the most scathing response I can think of. Then, I’m going to track them by their IP address, drive to their fucking houses and …”
When you post a comment on my page I don’t know that you were ‘smiling as you wrote it’. Instead, I’m reading it in black and white and if it offends me, that’s all there is to it. It’s not about what you intended to imply. It’s about how I decide to react.
And how I react most of the time is ‘you do not get to come to my page and treat me like I’m fucking stupid’. I think we can all agree that I’m dangerously unstable. Mix in a little booze, and I’m a meth lab in a rusty trailer filled with leaking beakers.
From here on out, there will be no apologies if I overreact. I’m tired of all this ‘personal responsibility’ bullshit when people show up being rude, condescending assholes, even if that wasn’t their intent. Please read the following disclaimer prior to considering posting on my page;
DISCALIMER: By posting on Essa’s page, I understand that I might be randomly attacked if she takes offense at something I said, even if I did not mean it in an offensive way. I understand that even Essa can’t predict how she will react most of the time. She might just fall asleep after reading my post, or she might beat her garbage man to death with an empty beer bottle for clanking her trash cans too loudly. Sometimes, she’s just itching for a fight and she will latch on to anything. I understand that I might be that anything she latches onto. I understand that sending her posts insulting her in the first sentence might be reason to get my figurative ass kicked in a lyrical war that will haunt me to my grave. I also understand that posts correcting her grammar will immediately call for my banning from her entire page.
And yes, I can ban you from my page. I have a plugin for that. You want proof? Feel free to contact my grandmother. She pissed me off one to many times too. Yes, I know the difference between ‘you’re and your’, Memere. Sometimes, I just choose not to proofread. Correct my ass again and you will find yourself living in one of those crooked nursing homes featured on ’60 Minutes’.
In the future, if you post something condescending, if you’re lucky, I’ll just delete it. However, you might get me when I’m in a bad mood. If you do, I will respond in a way that will probably make you name me in your suicide note.
Read what you’re writing. It’s not the world’s problem to figure out what you meant when you posted something. It doesn’t matter if you ‘didn’t intend to offend’. All that matters is that you actually offended.
So be prepared to be offended right back. Trust me; I’m way better at it.
