Apparently, I owe everything to my sister
My older sister, Erin, thinks I would be nothing without her influence. So I’ve interviewed her on the subject.
D: Hello, Erin. So I understand you like to take credit for me. Please elaborate.
E: Hello, Daniel, if that’s even your real name. Simply put, you owe your life’s passion to me. I single-handedly planted all the seeds of creativity from your childhood that has now grown into a full-fledged career. I forced you to write and perform various plays, skits, and fan-fiction novels that shan’t be named and I have the videos and notebooks to blackmail–I mean prove it. 
D: What was your motivation for forcing my participation in these various endeavors?
E: It was my belief that deep down there was an artist waiting to emerge. And for my own entertainment/boredom relief.
D: How much entertainment value did I provide you?
E: Not as much as I had hoped.
D: Well, that’s what you can expect when you make people perform under duress. Now where can I burn that fan-fiction?
E: Speaking of fan-fiction, I would love to share with your fans a brief excerpt of your wacky mind circa 1995. This is from a novel we wrote called A Vampire’s Soul, and this was written in your handwriting. So very old school.
Commander Daniel Sherrier rushed into Sickbay only to find Commander Riker, Dr. Crusher and others unconscious.
“Any conscious person please show yourself,” Sherrier ordered.
“Yes, Commander,” Brad said.
“What happened here?” Sherrier asked.
“Nothing but vampires,” he replied.
“Yeah, and elephants skydive,” Dan sarcastically said.
“I speak the truth.”
Okay, little bro, defend yourself.
D: I was 12. You were 15 and in high school. Perhaps you’d like to take a moment to defend your own contributions to that epic tale? Also, did we do Twilight before there was a Twilight? A Star Trek Twilight?
E: I was hoping you would pick up on that! Our finger was on the pulse long before there was even a vampire pulse. In reality, it’s much more likely we were influenced by Anne Rice’s Interview With the Vampire, which is my defense, by the way. I was heavily influenced by a fine looking Brad Pitt in vampire garb. Now he fights zombies. My, how times have changed!
D: Yes, and good thing there was no fanfiction.net in those days. My interest in writing such gems arose from comic books, and I might never have gotten into comic books if not for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which, if I recall correctly, I might never have watched if you hadn’t turned on that cartoon in the first place. Did you understand the forces you were unleashing that day?
E: Actually, the real thanks belongs to my elementary school bff, Katie, for turning me on to TMNJ. But yes, this has always been my point, everything I exposed you to eventually brought you to where you are today. I was even your high school newspaper editor in chief and where have you been working the last several years? At a newspaper! You can’t deny my powerful and brilliant influence. This is why, when Hollywood comes calling, there will be a part for me in your films, right? Right?
D: I may need some extras, yes. Speaking of parts, what did you do to get me into theatre?
E: EXTRAS!?! I will not tolerate that level of disrespect. I’ve earned a supporting role, at least! To answer the Broadway part, that’s easy. No one can deny the glorious joy that is the Broadway Musical. Especially if your sister performs various shows in their entirety day in and day out on the other side of your bedroom wall. You were inspired by my Tony-worthy performances.
D: Is that what did it? That must be why I haven’t acted in several years — the absence of those imaginary-award-winning performances. Tell me, where would I be today without your influence?
E: You know when you think of Eva Peron, you picture me in sweats. Were it not for me, dear, you would be in a tiny cubicle doing some sort of soul sucking job that uses no creativity followed by substantial time spent after work perched on a bar stool. You’re welcome.
D: So if you had never gotten me to watch the Ninja Turtles or get on a stage, I’d be Norm from Cheers? Thank you, Er! You’re the bestest older sister ever! Golly, am I a lucky little brother! Now can I please burn that old fanfiction?
E: Not on your life, kid.
D: Well, next time you have me over to babysit, maybe your daughter and I will play a special game of “find Mommy’s old notebooks.”
E: Touche`. You’d have to wade through a ton of my junk to find your stuff, so you may want to reconsider.
D: Diabolical. To finish things off here, I’ll give you an opportunity to brag about that one line you contributed to my first one-act play, “The Play About Homecoming.”
E: Ah, yes. I thought you needed an appropriate dose of potty humor, so I added a joke about one of the characters named Dick. Pretty much writes itself, but, if I’m not mistaken, it did get a fantastic reception. Then again it was for a high school crowd…
D: I must note, however, that to this day I remain averse to including bathroom humor, so perhaps even your influence has its limits. That concludes our interview. Thank you for sharing.
E: Sharing is caring.
