Life is Conflicts, Frustrations and Pain. Necessarily So.
I do not know if it is true for you, but I often find myself in considerable pain because of conflicts or because life does not yield what I want.
One day lecturing about management I suddenly realized I was not lecturing about management and corporations. I was also lecturing about myself; I was talking about my life
It was borne home to that life is pain; and filled with conflicts. And all of that is inevitable.
Here is the insight.
We all know there is change. Has been here forever and, I hope, will continue to be here forever. Change is life. Only death halts change.
Change by definition means that something new has happened. There is a new event that impacts us. Now we need to decide what to do. It is like coming to an intersection we encounter for the first time and are forced to choose: left, right, back, or stay in place.
Making decisions in the face of a new fact or situation necessarily means deciding under the stress of uncertainty: Not all the relevant information is available. The whole picture only becomes clear after the fact.
The result is that when we try to deal with uncertainty we are confronted with conflicts : WHAT to do, HOW to do it, WHEN to do it; and of course, Who should do it. Each of these variables requires individual attention even though they are interdependent.
A decision is not real until implemented, and to implement a decision we must be willing to take risks.
How do we handle risk? It is self evident. By debating it in our head which acts like a mini-parliament: Liberal thoughts tell us to go ahead and take the risk while conservative thoughts tell us to beware and slow down.
All in all we do not sleep well at night as we face life’s turbulence.
If making the decision requires contributions from other people, and the implementation requires the cooperation of other stakeholders, the conflict, the frustrations and the pain are all magnified.
What is the answer? How do we find comfort in life and avoid the pain life pushes on us?
Easy. Go to an ashram or find a cave and meditate all day long all your life. Stop change. Disassociate from life. Disassociate from doing. Stop contributing to this world.
But that is not a life most of us know or choose to live. Nor one I wish to live.
What other choice do we have? Accept life’s pain and the conflicts that accompany it…In short, accept life. Embrace it. And stop dreaming about some Garden of Eden where there is no pain. The moment we ate from that tree of knowledge we chose pain and conflict in an effort to know and understand the life around us. That is part of the package. Of choosing knowledge.
Let me repeat. The expression: “Life is a bitch and then you die” is not a joke or a funny statement. It is a fact of life one has to accept.
Can the pain be made more bearable? Can the conflict be constructive?
Yes, and the answer is present in MT&R.
If there is Mutual Trust and Respect, the conflict between people is not just bearable, but it enhances growth. And if there is self trust and self respect, the conflict inside ourself becomes an opportunity for learning and growing.
Sincerely,
Dr. Ichak Kalderon Adizes
