Who’s Writing This, Anyway?

            I’m a combination plotter and punster. When I begin a new story, I generally know what it’s going to be about. No exact beginning, middle and end, though.

Then I sit down and start writing, pretty much letting it flow. When I get close to the dreaded ‘middle slump’ I will do a chapter by chapter outline. Nothing definite, but more along the lines of ‘in this chapter, they have sex,’ ‘in this chapter she discovers ‘the secret’’, and so on.

Most times that works. But then there are the books where your characters sneer at your plan and will not cooperate. They won’t do what you want them to do, or they do something so unexpected, even your vague outline will no longer work. I’ve found sitting and arguing with the character rarely helps. Some characters and merely too stubborn.

I ask them what’s wrong, but often I have to guess. One time I was writing a pivotal scene between a retired OSBI agent and a Chief of Police. Very tense moment. They’re trying to figure out who’s after the heroine. She happens to be the OSBI’s girlfriend, and the COP’s sister. The men are stressed, anxious. Looking for answers.

They’re sitting in the COP’s office. Staring at each other across the messy desk. Saying nothing. I was getting a bit annoyed. Come on, guys, this is important. Think of something. The nitwits just sat. I poked the OSBI agent in the ribs. Nothing. I waved a hand in front of the COP. He might as well have been blind.

I pushed away from my computer and paced. Two men, doing nothing to resolve this problem. What the heck’s the matter with them? Then I had an aha! moment. I furiously hit the keyboard and pounded out the scene. I took them out of the office and put them into a bar. Placed a cold beer, dripping ice, into each of their hands.

I couldn’t write fast enough. They wouldn’t shut up.

Men!