Sympathy For the Devil by Daniel Crabtree

Those that have read The Sound of Loneliness will know of Daniel Crabtree, a belligerent, narcissistic and delusion writer who lives in my hometown of Salford, Manchester. Today he contacted me and asked me to post up something he wrote. I have found refusing him is more hassle than indulging him. To this end, please see below. I must point out the views and expressions of Daniel Crabtree do not reflect my own.

Sympathy For the Devil by Daniel Crabtree

I found myself in a debate recently with my good friend Henry Soperton about that Accuser of our Brethren, Abaddon, Apollyon, Belial and Crooked Serpent, or plain old Devil to you and I. It was an interesting conversation, considering both Henry and I have no foundations in religion, which is why I believe it has remained quite clear in my mind, and had not become lost in the shifting pall of drunken reverie.

I have read parts of the Bible, mostly the Old Testament and a little of the New (King's James edition, if anyone was wondering). Followed it more through discussions with the boozehounds and sots in the Flemish Weaver pub, and of course, Henry, so it’s safe to say I have a layman’s view of it all, though not a theologist. What drew us both to the Fallen Angel lies in his eviction from Heaven. From what I have gleaned, which again is somewhat limited, he was an Archangel, quite a big cheese among the ranks. In the book of Job, he was one of God’s Son, working for Him. Stirred by jealousy, the Devil is cast out of Heaven for being of a bit of a rebel, proud and not following orders. Looking back on that very basic précis of reason, the key things to note are, jealously, self-righteous, nonconformist, insurgent. If these were attributes explored by the Devil, one must surely draw the conclusion they were introduced to him, or implanted during his creation? For example, if I had said to my ex-wife, Melissa, “Okay, I’m a little bored. I think we should spice things up a little by having sex with other people, is that okay with you?” Had she agreed and slept with someone, how could I chastise her actions? I couldn’t. I clearly set the ground work, initiated the conversation, handed over the freedom to act upon any desire she may be harbouring for another man, and gave her free rule to do whatever she pleased with them. For me to pipe up and say it’s wrong would be hypocritical. And yet, it appears that God has followed a similar mistake. He created the Devil and gave him these emotions, to be evil, malicious, and rebellious. If at any given point God believed the consequences of His handiwork could lead to the demise of man, then clearly He would have never implemented these beliefs/flaws in the Devil, the influencer that he is. Henry concurred, adding that to criticise the Devil is to criticise God’s work and His judgement. It would be as simple as a clockmaker arriving late for an appointment and blaming his watch, when within the watch he never placed the cogs that turn the hands. No, that’s wrong: the clockmaker would have arrived late because the mechanics placed in the watch were erratic and did not conform to the constraints of time.

Henry elaborated, and added his theory that both are working in unison, that God has sanctioned the Devil to perform certain tricks, and influence man in the malevolent and immoral, a contract job, perhaps. But why, I asked. Why would God, a purveyor of good and the most omnipotent deity to be documented in history want to succumb to drafting the expertise of one so evil? Henry's hypothesis is that Heaven is God's kingdom, and all the good and righteous will enter through its gates and spend eternity in harmony. Bollocks! I proclaimed. Casting aside for the moment Heaven sounds like some kind of hippy commune, it would, if everyone was good and without sin, be a very overpopulated place. Therefore, it stands to reason there would need to be a filtering process implemented. Let's go back a few hundred thousand years. A few homo-sapiens arrive in Heaven, banging on the wire fence to allow them asylum. God allows in. It’s a bit quiet there with all the angels, so yes, a few dead mortals will brighten the place up. Then, another few thousand turn up. Okay. No worries, there is plenty of room. Decades pass, centuries. Soon a thousand years becomes several hundred thousand. God looks around and notices it’s getting a little full. But what about all the good souls! They’ve travelled miles without the means to return. Paradise is now a subway during rush hour. So God devises a test, something he can use to measure whether or not man/woman/child and animal is worthy of taking up space in his home. He calls upon his most trusted angel, His best angel, and asks if he’ll do Him a favour:

God: “Go down to earth, my boy. Influence the mortals. Whisper in their ear naughty things. Rude things. Not dirty talk, you understand, I cannot abide dirty talk. Instead, allow temptation to rule their thoughts, greed, lust, and make up a few others. In fact, seven will do. Now go, and those that don’t pass the test can be sent somewhere else. Where do you think?”

The Devil: “Los Angeles?”

God: “Too cruel! I’ve clearly chosen the right person for the job. But no, not Los Angeles. That place can be a half-way house, perhaps. No, dig a hole and stick them down it. Make it hot too. Nothing like heat to make a person understand the severity of their actions. I know, I’ve been to Ecuador in the summer.”

Off the Devil goes, carrying out instructions given to him by his creator. Logically, it is a common sense tactic with dealing with a problem: without evil, God cannot measure who is worthy of his time and His Kingdom, and without evil, God is merely a landlord cleaning up the mess made by His tenants.

That my life is merely moments of glazed commentary punctuated with moments of cold sober musings, I found myself reflecting upon the Devil more and more the nights following our conversation at the Flemish. I often wonder if the Devil enjoys the beauty of the world he has been sent to destroy, and over time if he had mellowed. Having been the instigator of all that is wrong in the world, I like to believe he now wishes to make a few things better in an attempt to clear his name: from the anarchist antichrist, to the peace loving pacifist. An imperfect Angel made by an imperfect God resonates with me. I have seen so many imperfections within life, that to believe they exist for no reason is too depressing a concept. Like me, the Devil is damaged, and like the Devil, the flawed are the criterion upon which mankind measures itself against. Henry agreed with me on this last point, adding, with only the merest hint of derision, "Blessed are the cracked, for they allow in the light."