The Daily Mail Formula

It’s been pointed out before that the Daily Mail’s repeated leching over teenage girls can be handily collated by popping the phrase ‘all grown up’ into their search bar, but scientists had yet to crack the code that simultaneously latches on to the two main agendas they push with their stories about females, namely –

#1: The sexualising of underage girls.

#2: Helpfully exposing all women over 25 as the disgusting, ashen hags they are.

Then, a scientist (me), saw a headline reading “…older than her years,” thought “that looks familiar,” blundered into the Daily Mail’s search bar and did this:

And here’s what came up.

For a rag who gave such a savage review of Kick Ass, they sure have a thing for Chloë Moretz. Luckily for her, she only has to wait a few more years, then she’ll be a haggard old crone worthy of only scorn, and ‘unflattering’ pap shots on the beach where she’s got an embarrassing bit of elbow skin or something.