Why “Female Viagra” Doesn’t Work – And What To Do About It

“The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behavior and not appearance.” — Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

If you’ve been following the news lately, you’ve probably heard about Lybrido—a female equivalent of the libido-boosting medication, Viagra, for men. Because the drug increases blood flow in the female sexual system, scientists hypothesized that Lybrido would help rectify “hypoactive sexual-desire disorder,” which is believed to affect 30 percent of women ages 20 to 60, according to New York Times Magazine. What researchers didn’t anticipate was that while the drug effectively improves circulation, it doesn’t take care of the problem; partakers still lack sexual desire. Why?

Theories abound, many of which are a load of hooey, in my opinion. Some are blaming monogamy for female libido loss, based on the fact that single women with multiple partners tend to have healthier sex drive, and new partners boost libido. Others are saying that the drug holds great potential, but has further to go; additional physiological problems can be tackled, given the proper chemical blend.

Here’s what I think:

Female sexual “malfunction”derives primarily from poor body image, low self-esteem and a society that celebrates and encourages the unrealistic type of sexuality depicted in porn and mainstream films, television and magazines. Women are seldom encouraged to explore or embrace their sexuality—particularly during youth—while being over-sexualized by Hollywood and the media. We’re taught to dislike their bodies and strive for the impossible.

I’ve personally learned that when I feel great about my body and emotionally fulfilled by life—additional factors that seem closely linked—my sex drive is healthy and happy. When I’ve felt emotionally and sexually empowered, my libido has skyrocketed. When I’ve felt stifled, confused or conflicted, I’ve clenched up. I know what it’s like to be happily and unhappily monogamous, and happily and unhappily single. My relationship status has mattered little compared to how I regard myself. And no drug could have improved my body image or sense of self-worth, particularly not the way internal work and the pursuit of empowerment have.

I’m far from alone in these realizations, and a broad range of research supports my theory. Here’s a small sample:

♦ A study conducted by Glamour magazine, involving hundreds of women of all sizes, showed that women have harsh thoughts about their body an average of once per waking hour. A disturbing amount of women confess to having 35, 50 or 100 hateful thoughts about their physical shape daily.

♦ Large-scale International Journal of Eating Disorders research showed that women with positive body image are significantly more sexually active, more likely to orgasm, initiate sex and explore new sexual activities, and have greater comfort undressing before their partners than women with lower body image. (Aren’t these the goals of “Viagra” for women—pharmaceutical profit aside?)

♦ A growing body of research shows that men frequently exposed to pornography are prone to sexual dysfunction, and an inability to be turned on by their partners. Women and men tend to hold women up to unrealistic physical standards presented by the media, and both genders suffer. (The over-sexualization in the high-fashion world is pretty ironic; most models have eating disorders, which nuke sex drive.)

So what can we do instead?

I believe that the solution to low sex drive begins within ourselves. Prioritizing our sense of self-worth, physically and otherwise, and making serious efforts to love and embrace our bodies can lead us down a path of enlightenment in which we’re more connected to our authentic selves, and more able to experience sexual pleasure, intimacy and love. Toward that end, we can consider the following:

Looking in the mirror and seeking beauty, not “flaws.”
Talking back to negative self-talk, as though it’s the enemy (which it is).
Steering clear of magazines and other media that promote unrealistic physical ideals.
Exercising because we enjoy it and the energy and wellness it provides, rather than for calorie burn, punishment or fat loss.
Communicating with our partners and loved ones about our bodies, our sexuality and any struggles we may have.
Eating a healthy, balanced diet that provides pleasure—and dodging diets, across the board.
Aiming for healthy sleep habits. (Sleep deprivation is linked with depressive moods, weight gain and low body image.)
Doing our best to not judge, criticize or compliment others based on size or appearance.
Speaking only positively about our bodies. (Language holds power.)
Pursuing work and other pursuits we adore.
Seeking support, from friends, family or a qualified therapist, as needed.
Masturbating. (Self-pleasure boosts sex drive and is associated with positive self-esteem and body image.)
Branching out, sexually. (And no, that doesn’t necessarily require additional partners. If you’re in a committed relationship, try new positions, locations or toys. Read or watch erotica. Play out each other’s fantasies. Try something enticing and new.)
Distancing ourselves from anyone who makes us feel “less than,” unattractive or unworthy.
Seeking and celebrating real beauty all around us: in aging, in curves, in uniqueness, in imperfections, in art, in nature, in laughter, in friendship, in music, in HAPPINESS…

Matters like these fuel Girl Boner, so while I’m saddened by some of the assumptions people are making about female sex drive, and the countless number of women who fail to recognize their capacity for sexual pleasure and love, I’m inspired to keep at it. I can’t thank you all enough for your support as the community grows.

Today I’m particularly thrilled to reveal our brand-spankin’ new logo (YEAHOO!), created by the ever-talented Casey Cowan of Oghma Creative Media. The groovy firm, dedicated to the promotion of authors, artists and musicians, is holding a drawing for anyone who “likes” their Facebook page today or tomorrow. I hope you’ll check it out! I hope this tickles your Girl Boner as much as it does mine:

What do you think about female “Viagra?” Do you think that drugs can take care of libido problems? Have you noticed a link between your body image and sex drive? I always dig your respectful thoughts.

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A special thanks to those who’ve made sacrifices for our country. We at GB Central Salute you, this Memorial Day and always.