Ten Ways to Make your Editor Insane

In my time as an editor, I have come across many common errors. By and large, these mistakes are understandable and don’t really ruffle my feathers. However, there are some that make me want to commit violence upon the unsuspecting writer. Having discussed pet peeves with some of my colleagues, I have compiled a list of ten things that are likely to make your editor bat-shit insane. (The examples aren’t meant to be fine literature or even well-written. They are provided as rough illustrations.)
This list isn’t exhaustive. There are a near-infinite number of things that make editors crazy. Really, being a bit crazy is a prerequisite for the job. Any editors reading this may wish to add to the list via the comments.

1) End a statement with a question mark.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
I don’t know what your name is?
Correct:
I don’t know what your name is. What is it?

2) Use “due to the fact that” — EVER.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
My editor killed me due to the fact thatI abused the English language.
Correct:
My editor killed me because I abused the English language.

3) Use “as” like it’s the most versatile word on the planet. (It’s not.)
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
As I walked down the street, I saw a man who ran away as soon as he caught my attention. My eyes widened in shock as I recognized him.
Correct:
WhileI walked down the street, I saw a man who ran away when he caught my attention. My eyes widened in shock once I recognized him.

4) Misuse simple words. (This becomes more and more common as our educational system continues to disintegrate.)
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
He invited me to come along, and I wanted too.
She pulled her nightgown out of her drawand went to draw a bath.
Maxwell drug her out of the house.
Correct:
He invited me to come along, and I wanted togo.
She pulled her nightgown out of her drawerand went to draw a bath.
Maxwell dragged her out of the house.

5) Enter the Prepositional Phrase Olympics.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:   I went down the street through the sewer under the bridge over the river.  Correct:
I went down the street. My path took me through the sewer, which ran under the bridge that spanned the river.

6) Use commas instead of periods, or use periods instead of question marks.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
She wanted to talk to him, he walked away before she could speak, why didn’t he wait.
Correct:
She wanted to talk to him. He walked away before she could speak. Why didn’t he wait?

7) Begin several sentences or paragraphs with the same word.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
Shewalked to the store. She was unhappy because it was raining. Sheknew that she should have taken her umbrella. She sighed and walked faster. She would be soaked by the time she got there.
Correct:
Margaretwalked to the store. It was raining, but she had forgotten her umbrella. Although she walked faster, she would be soaked by the time she got there.

8) Tell rather than show.
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
Bernard was unhappy. He had wanted to hug Patricia, but he didn’t think she wanted to hug him. He decided to give up and walked away.
Correct:
Bernard watched Patricia from across the room. Her laughter rang out while she moved from guest to guest, giving out glad greetings and warm embraces. His own arms felt empty, but his feet pulled him away before he could reach out to her.

Use the wrong word because you think it sounds posh, particularly “I” and “myself.”
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
Would you care to accompany James and I to dinner?   The gathering consisted of Buffy, Kikki, and myself.
Correct:
Would you care to accompany James and me to dinner? He and I would love to go in with you.
The gathering consisted of Buffy, Kikki, and me. I excused myself.

10) Exhibit an over-dependence on adverbs ending in “ly.”
WRONG WRONG WRONG:
Joe quickly walked up the stairs and loudlyknocked on the door.
Correct:
Joe hurried up the stairs and poundedon the door.
Everyone has his or her own list of pet peeves, and not all of those provided here are mine. Mistakes that send one editor into a towering rage will elicit no more than a shrug from another. What is most important is that the author put in the effort to learn from (and not repeat) past errors. Then, the editor can spend less time muttering obscenities and more time helping to craft the best manuscript possible.