Why Do You Care (about Kate?)
Two days ago I posted a blog about the case of Katilyn Hunt. That blog post has become very popular, garnering over 1700 hits in less than 24 hours. I've also received a lot of feedback about the blog, most of it positive, some of it negative, all of which I have responded to in the comments section of that blog. I've even recieved a threat on my safety, from an anonymous poster, no less. While it's hard to take such threats seriously, I have since disabled anonymous comments on my blog to weed out such cowards. I've also managed to get ahold of the threatener's real name and home city, so in the unlikely event that he carries out his threat--and survives--his identity will be made public. But by all means, threaten me all you want, but best not try to carry it out. I may be a cripple, but I'm always armed and have absolutely no problem using lethal force to protect myself.
So far, most of the criticism I've gotten for my support of Kate Hunt has been in the form of personal attacks and questions about my motive. I've gotten enough of them that I feel like they should be addressed here. If you're tired of hearing about this, just stop reading now.
[image error] I don't think the law under which Kate is being convicted should be overturned. That law exists for a reason: to protect young people from sexual predators. However, within the law there is discretion. That's why we elect District Attorneys and Judges: to add a human element to the cold, rigid word of the law. Did Kate violate the letter of the law by having sexual contact with a 14 year old girl? Yes. Did she violate the spirit of the law, i.e. is she a sexual predator victimizing a child? As someone who has spent a large part of his life studying sexual predators, and has experience investigating them and working with them in a correctional setting, I can genuinely say that it does not appear to be the case that Kate is a sexual predator. All the evidence present to me at this time, including the police affidavit indicates that this is nothing more than a pair of lovestruck teenage girls. Were Kate a sexual predator, there would be some indication of coercion, coupled with a lack of concern for the other girl's well being. On the contrary, Kate and her family have gone out of their way to protect the younger girl, even when demonizing her or accusing her of lying or being the aggressor in the relationship would benefit them. Sexual predators always blame their victims. That isn't what's happening here. Furthermore, the younger girl has made no allegations of coercion. Sexual predators also tend to have multiple victims at a time. This looks to be the only young girl Kate is involved with. So, it is within the DA's discretion to pursue charges against Kate based on whether he thinks she is in fact a sexual predator from whom the community requires protection. I'm not appraised of all the facts, of course, but from what I've seen I don't find that to be the case. It's my hope that the DA will see that as well. He has already dismissed similar charges for identical reasons, so it looks likely that Kate may be given a reprieve as well.
One anonymous poster accused me of being a pedophile. Well, all I can say to that is: I'm not. Of course, if I were, that's what I'd say anyway, so if you want to believe that about me, go ahead. I have been married to an adult woman for almost a decade, have never been accused of a sex offense against a child, or had any suspicion cast on me by law enforcement. Furthermore, I don't get how saying one teenager shouldn't be legally punished for sex with another teenager makes me a pedophile. I'm not asking to watch them or anything. Furthermore, I'm not advocating abolishing the age-of-consent laws altogether I'm not even saying that Kate didn't do anything wrong. I just don't think she should face criminal charges and a lifetime on the sex offender registry for something that many teenagers do and is part of normal development.
As to the seriousness of childhood sexual abuse, and my feelings towards it, i.e. if I am sympathetic towards those who prey on children to satisfy their sexual urges, I will make a rather personal disclosure right now: I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Until this blog, this has been a highly personal secret that I've shared with only a few close people in my life. I'm making it public now in the hopes that any who read it will understand that I know what real sexual abuse look and feels like. It happened to ME. I was very young, it was not a family member, and it was never reported because I didn't understand what was happening at the time and was told to blame myself. It has haunted me all my life. It will haunt me until I die. You can ask my wife, ask my friends, ask anyone I've ever been romantically involved with, and they will tell you that there is a fear of intimacy there inside me that I don't believe will ever leave. It is burned like a fresh brand on my soul and it still hurts. There are times when a simple, unexpected touch from my wife or a friend causes me to shudder. My life has been good, I have a wonderful family and many close friends, but nothing will ever take that pain away from me. I have learned to live with it, but I will never forget. So to imply that I have some sympathy for or towards pedophilia is not only inaccurate, it's offensive. I can excuse those who made that charge before, not knowing, but any who persist now after making this declaration, to them I say this: you're disgusting.
Then there is the accusation I'm doing this for self-glorification; as in to sell books. If I am, it's not really working out that well. Since publishing my blog yesterday in support of Kate, I've sold three books. Granted, that's an almost 300% increase in sales from the day before, but I doubt very seriously that my support of Kate is going to produce any sort of windfall profits in book sales. I'm not doing this to sell books. I'm doing it because I believe in Kate.
But at the bottom of it all, there has to be some underlying cause for my concern, right? Something that motivated me to stick my nose into this situation as opposed to the thousands of other injustices I see and hear about every day. What was it about THIS one that caught my eye and made me get involved? There is an answer to that, too...
My youngest brother.
A few years ago, my youngest brother plead guilty to a sex offence. Not because he had really done anything wrong, but because he had no chance to beat the charges and a conviction would have resulted in a worse sentence. His situation was different from Kate's in several ways. My brother, who I will refer to as E, was 18 when he went out on a date with a girl he thought was 16. She was not. After some kissing and petting, the girl asked E to take her home because she was tired and wasn't in the mood to play anymore. E agreed, took her home, and left. It turns out the girl had left the house without her mother's permission, and got caught returning to the house. When she told her mother what happened, she called the police. A rape kit was done, but no evidence was turned up because there was no sexual intercourse, just touching. Normally, that would have been the end of it. But, our father is a public figure in law enforcement in that area, and in order to prevent the appearance of favoritism towards a fellow police officer, the investigation continued. E was interviewed by the police, and he naively told them everything that happened...again, because he didn't realize how young the girl was, or that he was being investigated for rape. E was convicted solely on the statement he gave to the police. If he'd stayed quiet or said, "she's lying, I didn't touch her" that would have been the end of it. He was punished for being naive and honest. Yes, E should have made sure the girl was the age he thought she was before he touched her. And for that, her deserves some level of punishment, but being convicted of a sex offense and branded a sex offender has essentially crippled his life. He has struggled to maintain a job because so many people in the community have turned their backs on him. This is a community my father has served for over 30 years, protecting them from the very monsters they now think E is. Like Kate, E wasn't engaging in predatory behavior. Neither of them were lurking around playgrounds or school hangouts looking for vulnerable children. They just made careless mistakes. The kind of mistakes everyone needs to make in order to grow up and become a responsible adult. Now, unfortunately, E's road has been altered so dramatically that he may never be able to progress.
On top of that, I've seen what this has done to my father. E and I have different mothers, he's really my half-brother but I still call him my brother. I've watched my father struggle financially and emotionally with this. He aged years in but a few months. He has lost friends. His career has suffered. His emotional health has deteriorated. I saw the stress and fear in his eyes when he heard E had been assaulted in jail, both for his alleged offense, and for being the son of a cop. Because E's mother is a narcissistic loser, dad has carried the extensive financial burden of E's court cost, probation fees, and mandated therapy sessions.
So I say this to Kate's father, Steven, to whom I've had the pleasure to get to know a little: I understand.
I understand the helplessness you feel. The weight that presses on your chest when you sit, and your head when you stand. You find yourself moving around to escape it, but you can't; it follows you everywhere. Anguish builds like sickness inside, filling you until you want to scream at the world. You want to take it all on yourself. You would offer to bear it ten-fold if they would just spare the one you love. You see other families going about their day, carefree of this kind of concern, and it makes your heart simmer. You think about them, the accusers. Dark thoughts creep into your mind. Why should I suffer alone? Why shouldn't they reap what they have sown? You look at implements of destruction and imagine making them red. Then you stop. Calmness and sanity return. You realize you're not a monster. You can't hurt someone else. You're better than that. Better than them. You feel guilty for even entertaining the notion, even if it was only for a second. I'm here to tell you: don't. It's natural to want to protect those we love. We can't help what we feel. Only what we do. And what we will do is persevere. Stand up and fight. We will do so in accordance with the law and conscience. In the end, that is why we will prevail. But knowing that is cold comfort when the one we love, so young and new to the real world, sits shivering in fear of a losing a future they never had a chance to see because of the wicked actions of another.
To Kate, I offer this song and hope it is of some comfort, as it has often been for me in trying times like these...
Praise Tiamat,
StP
So far, most of the criticism I've gotten for my support of Kate Hunt has been in the form of personal attacks and questions about my motive. I've gotten enough of them that I feel like they should be addressed here. If you're tired of hearing about this, just stop reading now.
[image error] I don't think the law under which Kate is being convicted should be overturned. That law exists for a reason: to protect young people from sexual predators. However, within the law there is discretion. That's why we elect District Attorneys and Judges: to add a human element to the cold, rigid word of the law. Did Kate violate the letter of the law by having sexual contact with a 14 year old girl? Yes. Did she violate the spirit of the law, i.e. is she a sexual predator victimizing a child? As someone who has spent a large part of his life studying sexual predators, and has experience investigating them and working with them in a correctional setting, I can genuinely say that it does not appear to be the case that Kate is a sexual predator. All the evidence present to me at this time, including the police affidavit indicates that this is nothing more than a pair of lovestruck teenage girls. Were Kate a sexual predator, there would be some indication of coercion, coupled with a lack of concern for the other girl's well being. On the contrary, Kate and her family have gone out of their way to protect the younger girl, even when demonizing her or accusing her of lying or being the aggressor in the relationship would benefit them. Sexual predators always blame their victims. That isn't what's happening here. Furthermore, the younger girl has made no allegations of coercion. Sexual predators also tend to have multiple victims at a time. This looks to be the only young girl Kate is involved with. So, it is within the DA's discretion to pursue charges against Kate based on whether he thinks she is in fact a sexual predator from whom the community requires protection. I'm not appraised of all the facts, of course, but from what I've seen I don't find that to be the case. It's my hope that the DA will see that as well. He has already dismissed similar charges for identical reasons, so it looks likely that Kate may be given a reprieve as well.
One anonymous poster accused me of being a pedophile. Well, all I can say to that is: I'm not. Of course, if I were, that's what I'd say anyway, so if you want to believe that about me, go ahead. I have been married to an adult woman for almost a decade, have never been accused of a sex offense against a child, or had any suspicion cast on me by law enforcement. Furthermore, I don't get how saying one teenager shouldn't be legally punished for sex with another teenager makes me a pedophile. I'm not asking to watch them or anything. Furthermore, I'm not advocating abolishing the age-of-consent laws altogether I'm not even saying that Kate didn't do anything wrong. I just don't think she should face criminal charges and a lifetime on the sex offender registry for something that many teenagers do and is part of normal development.
As to the seriousness of childhood sexual abuse, and my feelings towards it, i.e. if I am sympathetic towards those who prey on children to satisfy their sexual urges, I will make a rather personal disclosure right now: I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Until this blog, this has been a highly personal secret that I've shared with only a few close people in my life. I'm making it public now in the hopes that any who read it will understand that I know what real sexual abuse look and feels like. It happened to ME. I was very young, it was not a family member, and it was never reported because I didn't understand what was happening at the time and was told to blame myself. It has haunted me all my life. It will haunt me until I die. You can ask my wife, ask my friends, ask anyone I've ever been romantically involved with, and they will tell you that there is a fear of intimacy there inside me that I don't believe will ever leave. It is burned like a fresh brand on my soul and it still hurts. There are times when a simple, unexpected touch from my wife or a friend causes me to shudder. My life has been good, I have a wonderful family and many close friends, but nothing will ever take that pain away from me. I have learned to live with it, but I will never forget. So to imply that I have some sympathy for or towards pedophilia is not only inaccurate, it's offensive. I can excuse those who made that charge before, not knowing, but any who persist now after making this declaration, to them I say this: you're disgusting.
Then there is the accusation I'm doing this for self-glorification; as in to sell books. If I am, it's not really working out that well. Since publishing my blog yesterday in support of Kate, I've sold three books. Granted, that's an almost 300% increase in sales from the day before, but I doubt very seriously that my support of Kate is going to produce any sort of windfall profits in book sales. I'm not doing this to sell books. I'm doing it because I believe in Kate.
But at the bottom of it all, there has to be some underlying cause for my concern, right? Something that motivated me to stick my nose into this situation as opposed to the thousands of other injustices I see and hear about every day. What was it about THIS one that caught my eye and made me get involved? There is an answer to that, too...
My youngest brother.
A few years ago, my youngest brother plead guilty to a sex offence. Not because he had really done anything wrong, but because he had no chance to beat the charges and a conviction would have resulted in a worse sentence. His situation was different from Kate's in several ways. My brother, who I will refer to as E, was 18 when he went out on a date with a girl he thought was 16. She was not. After some kissing and petting, the girl asked E to take her home because she was tired and wasn't in the mood to play anymore. E agreed, took her home, and left. It turns out the girl had left the house without her mother's permission, and got caught returning to the house. When she told her mother what happened, she called the police. A rape kit was done, but no evidence was turned up because there was no sexual intercourse, just touching. Normally, that would have been the end of it. But, our father is a public figure in law enforcement in that area, and in order to prevent the appearance of favoritism towards a fellow police officer, the investigation continued. E was interviewed by the police, and he naively told them everything that happened...again, because he didn't realize how young the girl was, or that he was being investigated for rape. E was convicted solely on the statement he gave to the police. If he'd stayed quiet or said, "she's lying, I didn't touch her" that would have been the end of it. He was punished for being naive and honest. Yes, E should have made sure the girl was the age he thought she was before he touched her. And for that, her deserves some level of punishment, but being convicted of a sex offense and branded a sex offender has essentially crippled his life. He has struggled to maintain a job because so many people in the community have turned their backs on him. This is a community my father has served for over 30 years, protecting them from the very monsters they now think E is. Like Kate, E wasn't engaging in predatory behavior. Neither of them were lurking around playgrounds or school hangouts looking for vulnerable children. They just made careless mistakes. The kind of mistakes everyone needs to make in order to grow up and become a responsible adult. Now, unfortunately, E's road has been altered so dramatically that he may never be able to progress.
On top of that, I've seen what this has done to my father. E and I have different mothers, he's really my half-brother but I still call him my brother. I've watched my father struggle financially and emotionally with this. He aged years in but a few months. He has lost friends. His career has suffered. His emotional health has deteriorated. I saw the stress and fear in his eyes when he heard E had been assaulted in jail, both for his alleged offense, and for being the son of a cop. Because E's mother is a narcissistic loser, dad has carried the extensive financial burden of E's court cost, probation fees, and mandated therapy sessions.
So I say this to Kate's father, Steven, to whom I've had the pleasure to get to know a little: I understand.
I understand the helplessness you feel. The weight that presses on your chest when you sit, and your head when you stand. You find yourself moving around to escape it, but you can't; it follows you everywhere. Anguish builds like sickness inside, filling you until you want to scream at the world. You want to take it all on yourself. You would offer to bear it ten-fold if they would just spare the one you love. You see other families going about their day, carefree of this kind of concern, and it makes your heart simmer. You think about them, the accusers. Dark thoughts creep into your mind. Why should I suffer alone? Why shouldn't they reap what they have sown? You look at implements of destruction and imagine making them red. Then you stop. Calmness and sanity return. You realize you're not a monster. You can't hurt someone else. You're better than that. Better than them. You feel guilty for even entertaining the notion, even if it was only for a second. I'm here to tell you: don't. It's natural to want to protect those we love. We can't help what we feel. Only what we do. And what we will do is persevere. Stand up and fight. We will do so in accordance with the law and conscience. In the end, that is why we will prevail. But knowing that is cold comfort when the one we love, so young and new to the real world, sits shivering in fear of a losing a future they never had a chance to see because of the wicked actions of another.
To Kate, I offer this song and hope it is of some comfort, as it has often been for me in trying times like these...
Praise Tiamat,
StP
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