A Cruiser’s Conundrum

by John Urban

(On the water, living the dream)

Earlier this week Mike Jastrzebski wrote from the Bahamas, describing that as much as living on the hook in the islands is paradise, it’s harder as your body grows older. His advice: if you are thinking about getting away on a boat, do it now, don’t wait.

I’ve given extended thought to Mike’s observation and I’ve considered the underlying conundrum. Yes, early in one’s adult life may be the optimal time to escape for a life on the water. Unfortunately, scraping up the money to buy a boat is generally a challenge at that point. And the middle years? Well, those are often defined by the kids and family responsibilities. That leaves the later years, which gets to Mike’s perspective about sailing around with an aching back and worn-out knees.

(In my younger years I had a boat that looked just like this one.)

The switch from sail to power can ease this transition because there’s a lot less crawling around and hauling on a motor vessel. And the purchase of a new boat can reduce the labor involved in living off-shore. The trouble is, the economics of a power boat makes an extended life at sea fueled by petroleum out of reach for most of us, even more so if it involves a newly purchased craft.

Fortunately, considered thought of this dilemma created a Eureka moment for me, one born of innovation and opportunity – an idea so good that someone will likely write me with news that it already exists. In short, I am talking about a social media dating-type service that uses the magic of technology to expertly match agile 20-somethings who can climb the rigging, haul the anchor, and launch the inflatable with those of us on the other side of life who own a boat and want to live the dream.

Granted, bringing a tan 20-something aboard for an extended stay might cause some issues. And the younger crewmembers might be surprised to learn how much snoring and other such later-life noises echo in small confines. But let’s not dwell on the negative – let’s get to work on making this happen.

First, we need a questionnaire that will be used to determine crew assignments. Once that’s in place we’ll just turn on the marketing, tweak the algorithm, and get this service rolling.

Here’s the crew questionnaire I have for starters:

1. My favorite after dinner shipboard drink is:

a. Water

b. Wine

c. Beer

d. Captain Morgan shooters

e. Milk of Magnesia

2. I usually practice daily boat maintenance in the form of:

a. Oiling the teak

b. Polishing the stainless

c. Compounding the scratches from yesterday’s docking practice

d. Snorkeling along the keel with a tube of life caulk

e. Re-stacking the cooler

3. I learned my greatest lessons of the sea:

a. Crossing the Atlantic with a compass and sextant

b. From the skipper of daddy’s yacht

c. Using an X-box simulator

d. Watching re-runs of McHale’s Navy

4. Red Right Returning is:

a. Confusing as hell

b. A very reasonably priced Pinot Noir

c. Not worth a damn if you are navigating the Intracoastal

When these and other questions are answered they will be run through a high performance computer that will run the proprietary matchmaking software. Then, voila – perfect crew and skipper assignments will pop out and bliss and sunshine will follow. Just remember, you read about it here first.

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