WHAT MAKES YOU TICK?_IS THE GRASS REALLY GREENER EXCERPT?

Yesterday Courtney Van Buren, character from "Is the Grass Really Greener?" was my guest blogger and I enjoyed having her. Today we will get another rare glimpse into the marriage she is fighting for, and the pain that is racking both her and Nate's life.

This scene opens in their bedroom at the end of a heated argument:


"What’s your purpose Court? Why do you go on living and breathing…what makes you tick every day and get up and go to work and laugh and smile? What the hell is there to laugh and smile about anymore?” “Nate I go on because I have to. Because there’s a little angel in the sky that I know is watching over me and I have no choice! You think I don’t hurt or feel pain? I do, and I struggle through every day to find some peace, some pleasure, some joy and it’s hard as hell! I sit in that little boy’s room and sniff his clothes and hold his pillows. Why do you think I cannot get rid of his clothes, toys, or furniture Nate? Because that would be like admitting he’s gone! And I cannot admit that. A little part of me still holds on to the insane idea that he’s still here somewhere! Does that make me sick and a little crazy, hell yeah! And you know something else? I sometimes still feel him moving inside my belly, or hear his cries all out the blue, or feel him squirming on the bed next to me. But you know what’s worst? The dreams that I have at night that he’s crying out and I’m running to help him, and when I get there he smiles at me with that cute baby grin he has, and then he takes his last breath, that’s the worst,” she cried. She was wiping tears from her eyes with one hand and snot from her nose with the other.

Nate sat at the edge of the bed and his shoulders shook. Courtney stood up and went into their bathroom to wash her face and hands. When she came back into the bedroom she noticed that Nate was no longer there. She lay back on the bed and cried until she fell asleep.  JUST WRITING MY DREAMS,C. Michelle Ramsey www.cmichelleramsey.com