Sometimes I Don’t Get Mothers

Sometimes I don’t get mothers. And yes, that includes me too. We are a complex bunch and sometimes we confuse me.

My oldest is graduating high school on May 30th. I’m so proud of her. She’ll be commuting for her first year. Part of me wants to drive her there everyday. I mean that way I can make sure she’s not late and quiz her about being ready for class and if she has a test and if she studied for it. Plus I’ve been driving longer and won’t take risks she might with driving so she’s more likely to get there in one piece. Less worrying for me.

But that’s illogical for several reasons. First, I despise being the chauffeur. I am looking forward to not having to drive her places all the time. I can get some time back in my schedule. Second, she’ll be in college. If she was going away this year I’d not be escorting her to class. Why should that change just because she’ll still be living just down the hall? And an accident can happen whether I’m driving or she’s driving. Aren’t I supposed to entrust her into Gods hands? She does belong to Him after all.

My youngest got herself a job. When she gets her paycheck, it’s hers. She has her own ideas about what she wants to do with it. Well, there are some parental limitations, but for the most part, she makes the decisions about her money. Part of me wants to write down what should be done with the money and demand she follow that plan. After all, I’m older and wiser. I’ve already made many money mistakes and I can help her avoid doing that same.

This too is illogical. First, I can write down whatever plan I want but at the end of the day she worked for the money. I’ve got some influence but I don’t think it’s okay for me to just run roughshod over her about her hard-earned money. And even though I’ve made some mistakes, that doesn’t mean she’ll make the same ones. Or any for that matter. Anyway, one of the best way to learn is from mistakes.

I wonder if momma birds struggle with wanting an empty nest but not wanting to see the babies leave? Because it is this precise thing that makes me not get mothers sometimes! As a mom I want to still protect and shield my girls. I’ve talked to other moms who feel the same way. We want them to grow up and be wonderful people but we also want to keep them with us, “safe and sound”. But isn’t one of the purposes in parenting to raise young adults who can think through a situation, weigh options and consequences and then make a choice? Shouldn’t one of our goals be to raise young adults who can be responsible, intelligent and independent. Aren’t I, aren’t we, like the momma birds whose job is to nurture their baby birds and then teach them to fly, leave her nest and then have faith they’ll succeed at making their own?

As I watch my teenage girls begin to spread their wings to fly, I hope I can focus on being thankful they actually paid attention to some of their flight lessons. I hope I see them applying those lessons and beginning to soar. As much as the fear of not knowing exactly what their future holds scares me, I just refuse to let it drive me to holding on too tight and too long. After all, they can’t be independent if they’re never allowed to test their wings. I have adopted following verse to help me through this season in motherhood. Feel free to do the same. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (Proverbs 22:6 NIV)