Entrenched
It was only after several trips to Romania that I accumulated the perspective and necessity to write a novel about Denmark, the country where I grew up.
As a schoolboy in Denmark, I was taught that I was extremely fortunate to be born into the best society in the world.
I remember a lesson in which our teacher told us that the Americans were vulgar because of their obsession with things being as big as possible. We Danes, on the other hand, were wise enough to be content with our Little Mermaid. The British had delusions of grandiour, because they had not yet realised that they were no longer a great power. We Danes, however, did not think of ourselves as grand. This made us very grand. Our neighbours, the Swedes, were very restrictive about everything, and the Germans were severe. But we Danes were liberal, and wouldn’t dream of forbidding anything. The Norwegians were just plain silly, as their funny intonation clearly demonstrated.
Apart from these countries there were the communist dictatorships and the starving Third World. Denmark was against nuclear power, supported Amnesty International and contributed more than its share of development aid.
(Since then, things have changed. Danish troops were among the first to land in Iraq, Denmark has distanced itself from Amnesty International because the organisation has pointed to a growing trend of human rights abuses in Denmark. And the Danish government has cut development aid contributions. But that is a different, albeit related, story.)
I learned that Denmark was the only country in the world that was governed by rationality and modesty rather than cultural customs and illusions of grandiour.
As I grew up, of course I did not literally believe these things I had learned at a young age. However, it is a worldview that is so pervasive in Denmark, it is written in between the lines of every document, every news broadcast and every regular person’s conversation. So I believed there was no such thing as Danish culture; I believed that Denmark was simply a rational society, the benchmark of normality against which the quirkiness of foreign cultures was apparent.
That was when I went to Romania. And as it turned out, it was this country, that is so obviously not perfect, that was to make me aware of the imperfections of my own country.
The first thing I noticed in Romania was the dynamic interaction between the sexes. I saw men being comfortable with being men and women being comfortable with being women, even to the point of turning it into a fine art. This showed me by contrast how in Denmark men and women are taught to be ashamed of being too masculine or too feminine.
Romania was the first place I heard the word “man” used in a positive sense. And it was only when I had that experience, that I realised that it was truly the first time.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that men are second-class citizens in Denmark. But masculine values are feared, ridiculed and suppressed. So if you are a socialised man with only feminine values (except perhaps harmless enjoyment of sports) you’ll be all right. But if you are so passionate that you cannot, will not suppress your masculine values, then you’re in for a hard time. However, most people are able to socialise to the point of zero friction with society. It takes a very passionate individual to hold on to something against the constant edicts of society, media, family and social group. So most Danish people simply will not understand what I’m talking about here. That is OK; I’m writing for those who do.
The pivotal point in my Romanian education came when I was the guest of four young people in Cluj-Napoca. Claudia, Călin, Oana and Mircea were such good hosts to me, I felt I must refuse at least some of their kindnesses. I was not used to anyone treating me with such kindness and hospitality, let alone people I had just met. The situation was so unfamiliar; I was confused, and my refusals were halfhearted and insecure while my hosts were completely self-assured in their hospitality.
When I was a child, my father had taught me to refuse the offers made by hosts because, as he said, “they don’t really mean it”. But I could tell that these Romanians meant it, to the point of not taking no for an answer. I was having a reality meltdown. I often felt dizzy and my vision blackened. It was so difficult for me to accept my hosts’ kindness. And yet I had nowhere to run, because deep down I liked it there with them, and I wanted to be there. I wondered why it was so difficult for me to receive, and in the end I had to realise that it was because it would not even have occurred to me to host these people if they had come to Denmark. And if somehow they would have come to stay in my apartment in Copenhagen, I would not have been thoughtful like they were. So many things simply would not have occurred to me. So I felt ashamed all the time. I felt like the lowest of the low. And then one day I hit a breaking point. I simply accepted their kindness, and I melted because there was nothing else I could do.
The fact that I capitulated to the kindness of my hosts meant that I was no longer able to withstand the insights that permeated the situation. I saw how in Denmark we run from any kind of commitment, even towards family members and close friends, not to mention new acquaintances. Economically, Denmark is one of the richest countries in Europe while Romania is one of the poorest. But spiritually, how poor we Danes must be if we cannot afford to give or receive.
These are the themes of my novel, Entrenched, which I felt compelled to write when I returned to Denmark: a culture which has no sex flow because the gender polarity has been wiped out, and has no flow of giving and receiving, because the people have become frightened, entrenched units, is a culture that has stagnated and is dying.
But a revival is possible. In the following chapter, “Help a Dane Day” a group of foreigners set out to trick the Danes into giving and receiving. One of them is a woman who gives a Danish man a lesson in gender polarity.
Entrenched is available from an Amazon near you.
