EXCERPT V...IS THE GRASS REALLY GREENER?

Until death do we part is what they vowed, no one told them that the death would be that of their son, and that such a tragic event could cause them to part.  When a wife fights for her marriage to no avail, she begins to wonder what is she fighting for anymore and is it worth the fight? Today we feature an excerpt from our final character reveal #5...Courtney.  SCENE_DOCTOR'S OFFICE:                                                   "Nate…welcome.” “Thank you. Let me start off by saying I’m here to support Courtney. I don’t need any help dealing with what I’m going through or my grief; and I’m not interested in sharing my feelings with anyone. My wife knows how I feel and that’s about it. Other than that, Courtney feels like she needs to talk, and I’ll sit here and listen to her and support her anyway I can. But I’m okay dealing with my feelings and I really don’t need help,” Nate stated as he leaned forward on the couch with his hands clasped.

“Okay then let me ask you this, are you open to any possible resolutions that Courtney may come up with while working with me Nathaniel?” Dr. Fiske asked in her clipped British tone.
“I’m always open to resolution Doc. I’m just not participating in the process. I mean what, you and my wife sit and talk about feelings, over and over again until you come up with some resolution that I’m supposed to go along with? If it’s reasonable, I’m game. But I don’t want to sit and discuss my feelings,” he responded leaning back on the couch.
Courtney glanced sideways at her husband, wondering why he had bothered to come if he was going to be difficult. She could feel the tension radiating from his body, and wished things between them weren’t so tense.
“Nate, I asked you once before would you be more comfortable speaking with a male therapist, rather than myself and you never answered me. Can I pose the question again?”
“Look I said I don’t have a problem with you Doc in the last meeting. I still don’t. I just don’t think you can fix what’s wrong with me, or help me in anyway; you can’t and nobody else can. Can you bring my son back to life?” he hesitated a moment waiting for her reply. Finding none and knowing he had caught at least his wife off guard, he continued, “Right…I didn’t think you could. So to answer your question, no I wouldn’t be interested in speaking to someone else,” he remarked rather coarsely in a deep voice reflecting his thick Bronx accent.
“Nathaniel, you have a lot of anger and rage within you about the loss of your son. And it’s understandable, but I think based on my few interactions with you that you tend to hold it all inside. It’s too much for one person to try and handle on his own. You’re right ,no one can bring AJ back to life, but maybe we can help you learn to live with the pain and realize that he will always live on inside of you. It’s up to you and Courtney to keep his spirit alive, and you do that one day at a time and by sharing your memories with one another as well as your pain and your grief.”
“Look, I’ve told you that I don’t need you in my head. I’ve got me covered; you talk to Courtney and help her resolve her issues. Court…I’ll be back,” he said as he pulled his 5’11, 205 pound frame from the couch and ambled across the room and out the door; he pulled it firmly shut behind him.
Courtney reached for a box of Kleenex on the table beside her and pulled a pink tissue from its slot. Allowing the tears that she fought back when Nate was in the room to fall, she felt some measure of relief. The tension that was in the room when he was there had been unbearable. She knew that he hurt and didn’t know how to help him because she couldn’t help herself. She knew that he had gone to the restroom to “deal with his emotions.” She no longer saw it, but she knew that he still cried. He cried in the middle of the night when he thought she was sleeping, and he cried in the shower when he came out eyes red from tears, pulling the towel across his entire face wiping away the water from the shower.
“Courtney what is your greatest fear at this moment,” Dr. Fiske asked.
“That he will leave me and we won’t have a future together and the chance to have children.”
“Why?”
“Because he blames meeee…” Courtney sobbed.
“Why do you think he blames you?” “Courtney, why do you think he blames you?” Dr. Fiske repeated after Courtney didn’t respond.
“I just know he does…” she sniffled, wiped her nose and continued, “he asked me where was I when it happened. I told him I didn’t know but thought I was in the laundry room. He asked if I had the monitor with me, and I told him I’d forgotten it in the kitchen. He asked how long I was in the laundry room, and I honestly didn’t remember. That night we had an argument because he said if I had taken the monitor I would have heard a change in his breathing; or if I had not stayed down there so long it could have made a difference,” she held her head down and began to sob again.
“You know Dr. Fiske, he may be right. If I had taken the monitor with me I would have noticed the difference. I know that I would’ve because I always listened to him carefully on the monitor. I know that I could’ve done something, if I had just taken the monitor, or if, or if…I should’ve kept him downstairs with me,” Courtney broke down into sobs again releasing months of pent up anguish and guilt.
 LATER THAT EVENING
“Nate…why did you leave me like that?” Courtney asked walking into the bedroom where he was reclined in his leather chair watching TV. She had finished her session with Dr. Fiske only to be told by the receptionist her husband had signed out and left. She had gone outside and didn't find his car in the parking lot. She knew he had returned to work.
Nate continued to flick the channels on the remote ignoring his wife. He didn’t want to deal with this shit right now. He told her he didn’t want to go; she kept forcing him and he gave in, he told the doctor he didn’t need her help, and she kept forcing him, so he left. He didn’t need all these people pushing their will on him, God had given him free will and he couldn’t take the control anymore. His mother constantly pushed him to go to therapy, his sister, his boss/best friend Marc, and his grandmother. His brother left him alone with his feelings, but every now and then he would tell Nate that he needed to get help. His dad was the only one that didn’t pressure him and just listened when he wanted to talk. Most times when he did talk to his dad, he didn’t talk about AJ. He couldn’t talk about AJ, nobody understood his hurt and pain and he couldn’t figure out why they kept trying to.
Courtney plopped down onto the bed and took off her red Jimmy Choo crown platforms. Aggravated she got up and walked to her dresser and threw her grey structured jacket onto the chair alongside her red purse she had sat down when she came into the room. Pulling her red V-neck blouse over her head, Courtney pulled her fiery red, bob cut hair into a short ponytail. She stared into the mirror and outwardly saw a beautiful woman. Her bedroom eyes were framed by long, thick lashes set under high arched eyebrows. Her mocha colored skin was free of blemishes. At 5’8 she weighed 135 pounds and her clothes looked good on her slender frame. But inside there was a terrified, lonely woman who wanted and needed to be treated like a woman again and appreciated for such.
She walked in front of the TV and began stripping off her clothes, removing her grey, boot cut pants first, and standing there in her black lace push up bra and matching panties. She slowly undid her 34 D bra and pranced to her husband. She sat on his lap and faced him with her legs straddling the recliner. He continued to gaze past her at the TV.
“Mmmm…” she moaned, kissing his neck and grinding against him. He let out a loud, frustrated sigh and flicked the channel again.
Courtney pulled back and gazed into Nate’s frowned up face, “Baby what’s wrong?”
“You,” he replied continuing to stare past her and not at the TV.
The remark stung and Courtney found herself getting up from the recliner and headed to her walk in closet. She came back out wearing an orange satin robe, grabbed her pillow and headed to the nursery. She locked herself inside and laid on the daybed across from AJ’s crib and cried herself to sleep.  Thank you for visiting today. I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from "Is the Grass Really Greener?" as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you.

If you liked this excerpt please click the "Join This Site" in the right hand column...and don't forget to leave your comments. I look forward to them. The past 5 weeks revealing a new character and their excerpts have been fun. It's not over...it's just the beginning, come back next week for more spice and fun.  JUST WRITING MY DREAMS,C. Michelle Ramsey www.cmichelleramsey.com