Contagion
Don’t you hate it when the person sitting next to you yawns? Great, now you’ve got to yawn to. Fighting the urge requires cramping jaw muscles and blinking back the tears that come to your eyes. It’s horrible and unnecessary, but somehow wired into us.
It’s because we’re social creatures. The psychology of being social animals is that we can get caught up in a mob mentality. Even something as simple as a yawn can impact us. It’s also why having a lot of good reviews on a book helps to sell it – if everybody else is buying it, odds are a reader browsing through will stop and buy it too. This post isn’t about reviews, that was just a shallow ploy to ask my readers to please leave reviews on books – mine or others (preferably mine first, in case you run out of steam).
This post is about something I noticed on Facebook, a giant social animal in itself. I’ve seen how bothered or irritated people get by others posting updates on their workouts. I’ve even done it on rare occasions myself after I was happy with what I’d accomplished. Nobody’s ever given me any flack over it, but I seldom do so. Lately I see more and more people bitching about it though, although never directly.
What do I never see? People bitching when somebody posts how their heart was trampled or how a part of them died because Sally Suitcase was sleeping with their husband or something along those lines. A few people feel obligated to respond and a few others may bitch about it quietly to themselves (or anyone unfortunate enough to be within listening range).
I consider this a fail. No, it’s not about a lack of empathy on my part. It’s not because I’m cold-hearted either. It’s because a lot of us – most of us even- are selfish pricks. Yeah, I went there…
Secretly we like hearing about a part of somebody’s life being in ruins. We like it because we know they’re doing worse than we are – or maybe in the same boat. Oh sure, for the genuine cases of genuine bad stuff happening (I’m reminded of Amanda Beard and her 10 year imprisonment at the hands of a sexual predator) there’s nothing but genuine compassion available for the most part. But hearing about Jason’s truck getting smashed up and him being stuck in a virtual golf cart for three weeks while it gets fixed just makes other people feel better. After all, he’s the dumbass that wrecked his truck; he deserves the golf cart as punishment! As to whether I chose the name “Jason” for this example to mean something or not I don’t intend to share.
On the flip side, people don’t want to hear about weight loss or working out because it reminds them that they suck. We find ways to doubt progress pictures, claiming photoshop or other cheap tricks (spray tans, different lighting, etc.). We don’t want to be reminded that we watched an hour of TV with our hand in the chip bag when we could have been exercising. So we complain about it and make the people who are doing these things feel shameful that they’re posting their triumphs. No, the shame belongs on you. Now get your hands out of the bag, wipe off the grease, and go for a walk.
Numerous examples abound, but the point is that we all are self-serving and we look for things we can use to justify the way we live our life. Instead of turning inside and running the risk of falling short of our own expectations we compare ourselves to others and find their faults. Sure, we’re all people, but we really shouldn’t compare ourselves against each other. It’s a case of apples and oranges.
My suggestion, which is sure to be ignored, lost, or forgotten, is to focus on posting positive things. You worked out? Great! Share it! You had a good day? Let people know that the world doesn’t revolve around negative events in your life, but positive ones. It can be hard, I know, we live in a narcissistic and depressed society. Even my cynicism where I suspect this message will be abandoned is an example of the wrong way to think and post such things. My challenge to you? Be better than me.
In the meantime I’ll go back to writing. Isle of the Ape, book 1 in the Order of the Dragon trilogy will be out very soon. I’m hard at work on book 2, Chasing the Dragon. Order of the Dragon is the sequel to Blades of Leander. At this point I’m planning on pushing ahead with book 3 before moving on to something else – most likely book 2 in the new Homeland series.
To learn more about Jason Halstead, visit his website to read about him, sign up for his newsletter, or check out some free samples of his books at http://www.booksbyjason.com .
