The Too-Short Robe, Bronzini, The Haunted Painting, and More News From The Road

We are in Atlanta, sharing a room with a painting of a woman who has a very pointy nose and a butt that looks like she’s been sitting in a mud puddle.  In the dark last night I had the strange feeling that she had jumped off the painting and was running around the room, but perhaps it was only a dream…

The New York trip is over.  Yesterday I did eight radio interviews over the course of about six hours.  I was in a small, soundproof room in the Penguin Media studios. When I sat down, I knew my tics would be bad.  But, a soundproof room!

I tested it out, yelling my head off, involuntarily at first.  Then, when it seemed like people really couldn’t hear me on the other side of the wall, I started yelling, “Help, I’m dying!” to see if I could get a reaction.  My editor said, “They’re probably just too polite to tell you they can hear you.”

I stuck my head out and asked a man working on a laptop, “Hey, can you hear me?”

He said, “Oh yes.  But it’s fine.”

And so I stopped.

Also: we’re in Atlanta at the W Hotel.  It kinds of looks like it was designed by Dr. Seuss. We’re going to feel very “With it,” as our wonderful driver said.  Indeed!

We’re in the handicapped suite, which is identical in every way except there are hand rails everywhere.

I tried on the complimentary robe this morning.  It doesn’t even reach to my elbows.

Also: the USA Today piece just came out.

I did the interview during a lunch by the NYPL library, Main Branch.  Janette, my wife, hates fish more than anything.  When the waitress gave her the rundown of the specials, she said, “Oh, that sounds great, give me the bronzini!” When the bronzini came, alas, it turned out to be two giant pieces of fish. Crestfallen!  But they whisked it away and brought her a nice salad, which she nibbled at like a rabbit.

Also: I got the bulkhead seat on the plane.  It was better than first class.  I literally could not reach the wall in front of me with my foot, and I tried, to the great annoyance of my cramped plane mates.

Also: This morning I ate some peanut butter french toast.  It had about an inch of peanut butter in the middle of it.  Insanely good, but I felt like a huge hog after nibbling at the New York baby portions for three days (they were great, but tiny!)

And: yesterday the man who drove us to the airport in NYC made me laugh so hard.  He had stories about everyone he had ever driven.  He said, “This was fun, I usually get told don’t talk to the clients.” He took credit for many of Chris Rock’s best jokes. And for all I know, he should.

Tonight is the talk and signing in Decatur.  Brad Cohen, founder of camp Twitch and Shout is going to be there, and I can’t wait to meet him.  He does a lot of fantastic work for the Tourette’s community and I’ve looked up to him for years.  It’s going to be a lively night, I guarantee it.

If you are in the area, come on down.  We’re going to have fun.

St. Louis tomorrow!