Finished!!
I finished my fourth novel, Omni. I haven't started the "read-over" process. Even though I read each chapter after it's written, I like to go back and read the entire thing once I'm finished. I'm currently reading a completely inappropriate, guilty pleasure. I keep telling myself it's so that I will have perspective and distance from my own work, but I'm fairly certain that's a delusion--a fabrication designed to justify my romance novel addiction!
Oh well! I am pasting a section of the book (mine, not the romance novel!) below. I'm open to comments.
from chapter Sixteen
Pierce spun his head around so quickly he had to grasp the stone pillar to keep from falling. A tiny woman, whose face and head were covered by a motorcycle helmet, strolled toward him, moving gracefully in her buttery, brown leather jacket and matching pants. She yanked off the helmet, and a thick red braid tumbled down her back. When she tossed her head, her long bangs flew back, revealing eyes the same shade as her jacket. Freckles sprinkled her nose and cheeks. Judging by her unembellished face, Pierce figured she couldn’t be much older than him. Tucking the helmet under her arm, she stuck out her hand in introduction.
“Sovereign Acumen, Supreme Superior of the Geeks. Pierce, right?” He shook her hand and nodded. “You look confused. You weren’t expecting to see me? I thought Honor explained the situation.” She huffed and rolled her eyes. “You’d think that pompous figurehead could do one thing correctly,” she mumbled under her breath. “Next time, I am so going first.”
She ran her eyes up and down his length. “This is probably not the most opportune time for our little chat, but,” she shrugged and set her helmet on the floor, “you only have a day left to decide, so . . . Okay, Pierce, the sovereigns got together. We all want a piece of the Pierce pie.” She chuckled. “Piece of the Pierce pie—ha! I crack myself up!” When he didn’t respond, she popped him in the stomach with a quick flick of her wrist.
Pierce clutched his stomach and grunted. She was a lot stronger than she looked.
“Aw! Sorry! Better get a Healer to look at that.” She beamed, “Anyway, as I was saying, we all want you in our stratum, and since we don’t have a lot of time, I’ll get right to it. What are the benefits of being a Geek? I’m so glad you asked.” She began to pace in front of him, talking and pacing so quickly Pierce got a little dizzy watching. “We Geeks control commerce and communication, industry and entertainment. Without us, Omni could not function. We are the most respected stratum.” She spread her arms wide. “In short, we are everything!”
“Everything? I thought that was the government,” Pierce said.
She snorted and tossed her hair again. “Who do you think gives the government its power?” She put her hands on her hips. “We do!”
“The Geeks give Omni its power?” Pierce raised his eyebrows.
“The government would be nothing without the eyes and ears we give them. Who do you think told Galvan you and Harmony were together earlier today?” She laughed. “You hadn’t thought of that had you?” She stepped in closer. “Who do you think showed Honor how to bypass your communicator security? Who transfers those credits you blow on illegal games? Pierce, Geeks know everything,” she whispered.
“What makes you think I can even pretend to be a Geek?”
She shook her head. “You aren’t listening, Pierce. We can teach you what you need to know. I’ve seen your gaming history, remember? You may have no training, but you aren’t without some abilities, and what about the bullshit you just told Galvan? You’re a quick thinker, kid. We can work with that.”
He sighed, not seeing how he could possibly be an asset to the Geeks. He could kind of understand where Sovereign Honor had been coming from. He wasn’t so humble that he couldn’t see what she meant by his looks. He’d become pretty adept over the years at using them to help get what he wanted. He could even understand the whole hero thing. The Omni government wanted to play off of that. But Geeks? Did they even need a front guy?
“I don’t think—”
“Yeah, you do, Pierce. That’s it.” Her brown eyes softened. “You think in a way we need. You’ve survived a life few Geeks have experienced. You’re mentally tough. We need that. We can’t offer you all that Honor can, but we’re a tight-knit group, Pierce, a family. We can give you something you’ve never really had. You’ll be one of us—you and Hale.” Her gaze narrowed, transforming those thoughtful eyes from intelligent to ruthless.
Pierce straightened. “What does Hale have to do with any of this?”
She shrugged and stepped away from him nonchalantly. “Drudge Hale, paired with you for three years?” she asked as though she didn’t already know the answer. “Has a penchant for taboo fiction and a Geek named Amena.” She raised one eyebrow. “We do our homework, Pierce.”
He gritted his teeth and glanced away. So that was her hook. Honor had tempted him with power. Acumen thought to do it with family, with Hale. “That sounds a little like a threat, Sovereign Acumen. Are you telling me Hale can only become a Geek if I agree to become one?”
She tilted her chin, shrewdness gleaming in her eyes. “Not at all, Pierce. Call it a guarantee if you like.” She moved quickly toward him again, force and confidence in her steps. She was not a woman who allowed defeat. “We can give Hale the life he wants. A real chance with the girl he likes and all the taboo fiction he can read.”
“Don’t tell me you control the forbidden market, too,” he said.
She laughed again. “No, not that I’d ever admit to anyway. We have the most extensive library in Omni—taboo or otherwise. We can give you both,” she chuckled and held out both arms again, “everything.”
Pierce watched as she picked up her helmet. She patted it then pointed to the bike parked several spaces away. “And we have the sweetest toys. Behold, the new Night Owl prototype. Ultra-quiet electric ion converter engine, does zero to one hundred in one second, and will change stop lights from red to green with the press of a button—but that last ones my own special addition.” Winking, she slipped the helmet on and walked toward the bike. Flipping up the helmet’s visor, she slid onto the seat. “I hope to hear from you soon, Pierce.” With barely a sound, she sped toward the garage’s exit.
Oh well! I am pasting a section of the book (mine, not the romance novel!) below. I'm open to comments.
from chapter Sixteen
Pierce spun his head around so quickly he had to grasp the stone pillar to keep from falling. A tiny woman, whose face and head were covered by a motorcycle helmet, strolled toward him, moving gracefully in her buttery, brown leather jacket and matching pants. She yanked off the helmet, and a thick red braid tumbled down her back. When she tossed her head, her long bangs flew back, revealing eyes the same shade as her jacket. Freckles sprinkled her nose and cheeks. Judging by her unembellished face, Pierce figured she couldn’t be much older than him. Tucking the helmet under her arm, she stuck out her hand in introduction.
“Sovereign Acumen, Supreme Superior of the Geeks. Pierce, right?” He shook her hand and nodded. “You look confused. You weren’t expecting to see me? I thought Honor explained the situation.” She huffed and rolled her eyes. “You’d think that pompous figurehead could do one thing correctly,” she mumbled under her breath. “Next time, I am so going first.”
She ran her eyes up and down his length. “This is probably not the most opportune time for our little chat, but,” she shrugged and set her helmet on the floor, “you only have a day left to decide, so . . . Okay, Pierce, the sovereigns got together. We all want a piece of the Pierce pie.” She chuckled. “Piece of the Pierce pie—ha! I crack myself up!” When he didn’t respond, she popped him in the stomach with a quick flick of her wrist.
Pierce clutched his stomach and grunted. She was a lot stronger than she looked.
“Aw! Sorry! Better get a Healer to look at that.” She beamed, “Anyway, as I was saying, we all want you in our stratum, and since we don’t have a lot of time, I’ll get right to it. What are the benefits of being a Geek? I’m so glad you asked.” She began to pace in front of him, talking and pacing so quickly Pierce got a little dizzy watching. “We Geeks control commerce and communication, industry and entertainment. Without us, Omni could not function. We are the most respected stratum.” She spread her arms wide. “In short, we are everything!”
“Everything? I thought that was the government,” Pierce said.
She snorted and tossed her hair again. “Who do you think gives the government its power?” She put her hands on her hips. “We do!”
“The Geeks give Omni its power?” Pierce raised his eyebrows.
“The government would be nothing without the eyes and ears we give them. Who do you think told Galvan you and Harmony were together earlier today?” She laughed. “You hadn’t thought of that had you?” She stepped in closer. “Who do you think showed Honor how to bypass your communicator security? Who transfers those credits you blow on illegal games? Pierce, Geeks know everything,” she whispered.
“What makes you think I can even pretend to be a Geek?”
She shook her head. “You aren’t listening, Pierce. We can teach you what you need to know. I’ve seen your gaming history, remember? You may have no training, but you aren’t without some abilities, and what about the bullshit you just told Galvan? You’re a quick thinker, kid. We can work with that.”
He sighed, not seeing how he could possibly be an asset to the Geeks. He could kind of understand where Sovereign Honor had been coming from. He wasn’t so humble that he couldn’t see what she meant by his looks. He’d become pretty adept over the years at using them to help get what he wanted. He could even understand the whole hero thing. The Omni government wanted to play off of that. But Geeks? Did they even need a front guy?
“I don’t think—”
“Yeah, you do, Pierce. That’s it.” Her brown eyes softened. “You think in a way we need. You’ve survived a life few Geeks have experienced. You’re mentally tough. We need that. We can’t offer you all that Honor can, but we’re a tight-knit group, Pierce, a family. We can give you something you’ve never really had. You’ll be one of us—you and Hale.” Her gaze narrowed, transforming those thoughtful eyes from intelligent to ruthless.
Pierce straightened. “What does Hale have to do with any of this?”
She shrugged and stepped away from him nonchalantly. “Drudge Hale, paired with you for three years?” she asked as though she didn’t already know the answer. “Has a penchant for taboo fiction and a Geek named Amena.” She raised one eyebrow. “We do our homework, Pierce.”
He gritted his teeth and glanced away. So that was her hook. Honor had tempted him with power. Acumen thought to do it with family, with Hale. “That sounds a little like a threat, Sovereign Acumen. Are you telling me Hale can only become a Geek if I agree to become one?”
She tilted her chin, shrewdness gleaming in her eyes. “Not at all, Pierce. Call it a guarantee if you like.” She moved quickly toward him again, force and confidence in her steps. She was not a woman who allowed defeat. “We can give Hale the life he wants. A real chance with the girl he likes and all the taboo fiction he can read.”
“Don’t tell me you control the forbidden market, too,” he said.
She laughed again. “No, not that I’d ever admit to anyway. We have the most extensive library in Omni—taboo or otherwise. We can give you both,” she chuckled and held out both arms again, “everything.”
Pierce watched as she picked up her helmet. She patted it then pointed to the bike parked several spaces away. “And we have the sweetest toys. Behold, the new Night Owl prototype. Ultra-quiet electric ion converter engine, does zero to one hundred in one second, and will change stop lights from red to green with the press of a button—but that last ones my own special addition.” Winking, she slipped the helmet on and walked toward the bike. Flipping up the helmet’s visor, she slid onto the seat. “I hope to hear from you soon, Pierce.” With barely a sound, she sped toward the garage’s exit.
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