Critiquing For Dummies

I just spent the last 48+ hours beta-reading and editing WIPs for two different critique partners. My critiques are not for the faint-of-heart. I am brutal. Luckily, my friends are used to my comments and suggestions...

* Your heroine sure does a lot of deep breathing. I think maybe she has asthma.
* The word "anus" isn't sexy. Just sayin.
* This makes no sense. At all. What the hell are you talking about?
* Who gives a rat's ass what color the pilot's eyes are?
* Did they just boink? I can't tell...